It's over with my BPD BF

[endoftheroadjack]

So after 2.5 years, it's over with yet another splitting episode. By now they don't even hurt anymore. I'm sad for him and for me, for all the fucking misery and pain and ugliness of BPD that he lives with. I won't discuss this with many people, so I guess I just wanted to write it down somewhere where some people might know what I am feeling - the exhaustion, the numbness, the acceptance, the feeling of waste

I also feel afraid. Sometimes I feel scared that the splitting will be so bad that he harms me. He said yesterday I have ruined his life. His life is messed up and he is under extreme emotional stress, and I worry external events will be blamed on me further if he gets unhappier.

Sorry to hear this, endof. My life is somewhat affected by someone with BPD - could you explain what splitting actually is? I have heard it but never understood. There are a few support threads on here concerning BPD where you might get additional help.

Milly Thanks. Here are some links that explain it:
battlingbpd.org/what-is-bpd/projection-emotional-reasoning-avoidance-and-splitting/

nonborderline.blogspot.co.uk/2008/07/splitting-and-non-borderline-experience.html?m=1

showard76.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/splitting-unstable-relationships-in-borderline-personality-disorder/

Thanks, endof - I'll have a look at those.

I'm very concerned that you fear he might harm you. Can you speak to someone urgently about this?

Thanks milly. The odds are overwhelmingly that he will just stay away from me. I've spoken to a friend tonight who has been in a very similar relationship and that somewhat calmed me. I am still a bit anxious, but recognising that it is anxiety. Rationally, the odds are that I am safe and fine.

From what little I know, I would imagine the best thing for you to do is not go back to him, leave him for good, and cut contact. Is he in therapy? Have you got children together?

Thanks. I agree. No, I won't/can't go back (we have done this cycle many times and it is usually him that re-initiates things). He is in therapy (although not the type that is aimed at BPD) and we don't have children together. He is pretty self-aware and very intelligent (when being lucid and OK).

All of that sounds good. I have been urged to cut all contact. (It's a member of my extended family who has the diagnosis.) What makes that hard to do is my concern for her. But it damages me to get involved, and I can't shake the feeling that I have to rescue her, which would consume me if I gave in to it. For me, it's a bit like a siren song - very very hard to resist, but I will drown if I respond.