Admitted to family I feel suicidal last night

[simplesimone1976]

Such a long story, I'll try and keep it short.
Two Dds 7 and 1, single mum, suffered untreated Pnd after Dd 1 for 2.5 years been progressively worse since birth of Dd 2 been on citalopram for nearly a year now.
Havent admitted to anyone til now how many times I've felt suicidal or just wanted to simply die, run away.
Last night I decided this was my chance I had time to do it and plenty of tablets to hand without anyone being aware for at least 8-10 hrs and the children werent with me, then my mum turned up and I broke down and admitted what I'd been about to do.
This morning I feel so ashamed and guilty for thinking it but also sad that it didnt work

I have no experience of anything like this but to tell your mum that you were thinking about doing it was a very brave and sensible thing to do.

How did she react, was she supportive?

Yes shes been great, everyone has rallied which just makes me feel more of a burden though, making me go back to gp in an hour

No, you're not a burden! They're your family and they care about you, they wouldn't rally round you if the didn't :) They just want you to be happy.

The GP is a good idea as long as you keep being honest, maybe they can change your dosage or medication? (Like I said im a bit clueless)

Great you can share with your Mum. How did it go at the gp's?

She has referred me to the local mental health team, she told my family im not to be alone so im at my sisters the street above mine while mum at mine with my dds, they broke theyre hearts leaving just now, I feel so awful putting them through this

Hopefully the referral will help. I was told it is not unusual for people to feel suicidal at times in their life and remember this is an episode for now and not something that will last forever.