Feel horrible after seeing my dad today

[Irishwhiskey]

Just as title says really...I'm shaking and crying, not had a panick attack for months and have been so amazingly well and happy, now I'm just a wreck. Is anyone awake??

Hi am awake. Sorry you had a difficult day.

I must admit that I chose not to see difficult family members to protect myself at times, is that an option do you?

I wish I had no contact at all and dread seeing him. But today he took me aside and basically said he wished we had a relationship. He said that 'he should have a daughter and I should have a father'. He is 84 and I am his only child, I would feel too guilty to cut of the limited contact we have but at the same time it speaks loads that the first thing I did when I got home was to get in the shower and scrub myself clean..

Sounds hard. You have to do what is best for you. Could you see him with other people present in the future? Or at least limit visits, are phone calls easier. Remember people who do not live near parents maybe only see 4 times a year ( well I do that!)

Perhaps focus on nice things for you now? Distractions, self soothing - and sleep?

Thank you so much for replying. Just can't stop crying now...and really really panicky. I know I should cut all contact and should have done so a long time ago but couldn't...a bit of me wants a relationship with him. He makes my skin crawl...actually he makes me want up crawl out of my own skin.