How do you know it's depression and not just a reaction to the situation you are in?

[Morrigu]

I know personally I am depressed and even from a quick hunt at the on-line tests this morning (Goldberg and Edinburgh) I score highly.

I'm a single mum, unplanned pregnancy, with not much support out there. Even if I did go to the doctors it wouldn't really change the situation I'm in, which I think is the main cause of my mood. I'm trying to get back to work with no avail at present, tried the baby clubs, get exercise from walking my non-napping dc and can't join hobby or interest classes as I have the baby most of the time. I feel so utterly hopeless and trapped and wake up every morning for the last six months with a heaviness over me but can't see a way out. I can't see how a gp would be able to help me with that, unless they were able to wave a magic wand and transform my life.

Thanks fuckwittery I've never heard of reactive depression. I never thought of it like that. Yes it's hard to make friends when you feel so shit about yourself, and who can blame them really. I really don't like the person I've become and I'm worried about the effect on my kids as I'm always irritable and shouting these days :( I have been on ad's before in the past due to stress but not for a good few years.

Also could you talk to your HV and ask of any support for you as you say you have little. They could refer you to home start if you have an under 5, or offer groups or a support worker maybe as well, alongside the gp's support and medication. Sometimes medication can help lift the mood enough to begin to make changes that then help change the situation.

No buggycise classes near me fuckwittery , which would actually be perfect as I'm always out walking. I have done the massage/yoga/swim things and while it was good to get out and chat to other mums a little a lot of the classes were taken up singing rhymes and what not. Not my cup of tea at all.

I have a great mum and dad who are always there with an ear to listen to me but I wouldn't ask anything more of them. Mum is the main carer for her own mum and has enough on her plate. Mention the depressed word and dad tells me 'just cheer up' (perpetual optimistic happy person), mum worries herself silly.

Thanks HoopHopes although I wouldn't even have a clue who my hv is now, it's changed twice already and the last woman I had said she was moving too so I would be getting someone else next time. I should be having a review very soon for dd though and her injections are next week so I'll ask then. Homestart might be a good place to start. It sounds silly but I hate admitting the fact that I'm not coping to outsiders.

That is the beauty of home start though, you get one person who can come once a week to listen, help a bit etc!!! So why not find out who is your named health visitor or failing that go to any baby weigh in clinic and ask for a name and phone number of a health visitor. If you get the wrong one they will either talk with you or give you the right one!!

Thanks HoopHopes funny I had a bit of a sobbing breakdown with my mum tonight (I don't like to worry her but me being quiet was worrying her more) who has now said all of the above about contacting doctor and health visitor, involving homestart if I need to.

Said she felt exactly the same with us and only going back to work helped. Knows it's hard to me to find to find a job with set hours with the kids but has suggested voluntary work and said she'd help with the lo if it was a couple of hours as my granny has just been diagnosed with alzehimers so constant reminder with the los helps according to the consultant.

Loads of depression is related to real life circumstances whether past or present. Not a huge amount of support
for much of it being biological, I think it's only 1-2%

It helps me to view it as part of the human experience. I needed meds as I had got to a point I couldn't actually function as a normal person and get anything done and I also had HUGE amounts of therapy.

Yet in some ways you have to differentiate between sadness and depression. You're in tough times. The heaviness and sadness are not the problem our modern life makes out, they used to be accepted but in our world there's this categorisation of any negative feeling as illness.

I would recommend The Happiness Trap and The Reality Slap by Russ Harris. You sort of need to rewrite your story as life isn't unfolding as you expected and the pain of that is very real and WILL feel like this giant stone weighing you down.

Whether you need meds or not from my pov depends on how well you can function and whether your mind is clear enough to re-envision your life. But hopelessness can be the door to another life too so doesn't have to always be feared as long as you are managing day to day and not in any danger of harming yourself or others.

Thanks for your very honest response working. I think that's what I'm trying to clarify in my head. Is it just because two years ago I was about to finally do what I wanted to do with my life, make something of it, and now I feel like I'm trapped in a life I wasn't expecting and back to square one in a way?

I think my problem is (apologies for dripfeeding) I had CBT years ago for anxiety and panic disorder and used to self-harm which I was treated for with counselling and antids. I'm very conscious of my moods as I never want to get to those sort of stages again

Agree with other posters it would be good to see your GP for a chat. They've seen it all before and will know how to help.

It might be worth googling Pandas to see if there is a local group near you to meet other mums who are struggling with their mood :)