A bit of background:I have borderline personality disorder which I have managed to keep control of with meds.
Everything seems to be under control apart from my eating. I am very overweight and I hate my body. I think about self harming because of how much I hate my body.
I am fat and lazy and have no confidence at all. I'm tired all of the time due to being overweight and I sit around because I'm tired. It's a vicious circle.
When I try hard to eat well there is always another part of me saying eat that cake/chocolate/takeaway. I crave these foods and I am addicted.
Everytime I lose any weight I sabotage it by eating lots. I am thinking at the very moment I eat anything that I hate myself and I'm disgusting. But I still can't stop it.
I cant carry on like this. I feel sick at the sight of me in a mirror or when I sit and see my stomach hanging over my trousers. Thinking about it is making me want to throw up now.
I don't know what I want from posting this, part of me needs to get it off my chest. I'd also love to hear from people who suffer with the same issues.