I was hoping someone would be able to give me some advice as I feel like I just can't go on like this anymore.
Since the age of about 10/11 I have always felt down. There were times when the black cloud would seem to lift but not for long. As I got older these times became fewer and fewer. I'm not sure how to describe being happy. Very occasionally I have a feeling where everything feels right in the world and I feel content. Is that happiness? The feeling only lasts a minute or so before the gloom hits again. Most of the time I feel like I'm acting, putting on a smile and being bubbly around people.
Since the beginning of the year I feel like my world has been slowly crashing around me. I started self harming in May as the emotional stress was too much for me. I have only done it a handful of times and I don't know if I'll do it again. I often feel like I just want to hurt myself. I constantly worry what the future holds and I feel down most of the time (unless something distracts me for a while). Over the last few weeks I can't stop thinking about death. (I would never kill myself - there would be no-one to look after the kids.) For example, when I walked down our stairs yesterday I started thinking of the best place to hang myself. When I'm out and about I can start thinking about walking in front of a lorry. It's not right is it? Does this sound like depression?