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what can i do?

19 replies

gloomygit · 26/06/2006 19:27

i am so bloody droopy and fed up.i have no energy at all, all i want to do is sleep and eat.the house is a disgrace and i just can't get motivated to do anything about it so my poor dh comes home to a tip every night.my libido is non existent. all ds and i seem to do all day is loaf around the house and watch telly with me dozing off at every opportunity.
i don't want to be like this.

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schneebly · 26/06/2006 19:34

This could have been me posting a couple of month ago! Talk to your GP or HV - sounds like classic PND. Don't be scared to tell anyone - it is nothing to be ashamed of. There is plenty help available. Talking to somwone has helped me no end.

gloomygit · 26/06/2006 19:36

pnd? but my youngest child is nearly 3?

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EvesMama · 26/06/2006 19:37

im the same, have to force myself to do things..thought i was having good day today, then flaked out while dd playing in front room
i stopped taking my a.d's and am waiting on cbt therapy, but i understand the feelings your having.
best thing ive found is to get out of house..walk anywhere, round the block and Do go to your gp, you cant solve it on your own
x

EvesMama · 26/06/2006 19:39

just saw last post, my dd went three in april!
you may have just tried to carry on and now its come to a head?!

EvesMama · 26/06/2006 19:40

just saw last post, my dd went three in april!
you may have just tried to carry on and now its come to a head?!

schneebly · 26/06/2006 19:44

You might just be anaemic or you could be depressed. I would definitely talk to your GP. Howe long has it been going on and do you think it was triggered by anything?

Misspiggy · 26/06/2006 19:45

I'd definitely visit my GP if I were you as the tiredness, lack of motivation etc can be a sign of depression but also of other medical conditions as well. I felt like this a couple of months ago and the doctor tested me for diabetes, thyroid, anaemia and loads of other things as well and luckily they all came back negative. Things aren't perfect now (still feel tired most of the time and my libido has definitely gone AWOL - poor DH)but knowing it's nothing physical has helped me realise that I'm in a major rut and need to take a good look at why I feel this way. Hope you feel better soon.

gloomygit · 26/06/2006 19:56

it comes and goes.i'm a lot better at the weekend when dh is home;that's when i get most things done.
after ds2 was born i was very down for what seemed like a long while .i used to spend a good chunk of every day with tears streaming down my face and felt that everyone hated me etc.i mentioned it to my hv and she said it wasn't pnd just that i was having a bad time and anyone would feel bad( ds had problems with health etc)

i don't feel like that anymore just completely lacking in energy or motivation or ...oomph.

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tribpot · 26/06/2006 20:04

Ah, my favourite, the old "you can't have PND if you have a reason to be depressed" excuse. Bloody hvs. I feel better when dh is around as well, he isn't away in the week but is chronically ill / fatigued / etc. and I feel pathetically grateful when he can spend time with us in the morning, I don't know why since he does do the afternoon shift whilst I work. But it feels so bloody lonely, knowing someone else is there but not there, if you know what I mean.

Can you get a break? You sound knackered and in need of some me time. Don't worry about the house, if your dh is that fussed about it he can do something about it. Would it help if you could just get some more sunshine, i.e. trips to the park with ds, or just the garden if you have one? I know what it is like to feel paralysed by how much there is to do and everything else you feel you should be doing, am I way off the mark about how you are feeling? (If so, apologies).

gloomygit · 26/06/2006 22:29

i'm not really knakcered.i'm not doing enough to BE knackered but god i get sleepy a lot.
i think the getting out and aboutmore is a good idea.it does help i think.

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Notquitesotiredmum · 27/06/2006 09:55

GG

I have been where you are. It's horrid, I know.
I found that when my ds's became less dependent upon me for their every need, and I started to have a little time to myself, that I suddenly felt awful - really lethargic and unable to get back into any routine that I had to organise. Six years of broken nights and being at the beck and call of little people is exhausting. How many dcs do you have?

It sounds very much to me as if you had pnd and your mind/body is now making sure that you give it some tlc. I agree with Evesmama. If you have been battling on, then things will come out eventually. Your symptoms are classic of depression - I don't know whether untreated pnd leads onto depression, but I would bet that there is a link. Do try your GP. If necessary take along a copy of this post, so that you can describe as clearly there how you are feeling.

If you don't feel able to go to your GP yet, then there are other things that you can try:

allow yourself to feel like this for a while. You have worked hard bringing up your family and coping with ds's illness. It's OK to feel tired!

diet: try googling 'mood enhancing foods' (bananas are brilliant - others may be able to suggest more) and boost your body with some vitamin supplements, with iron in.

do aim to get out each day - a walk to the park, to the local shop or even just getting out into the garden. If the kids are out at preschool then you can try a brief 'power walk' alone mid morning/ afternoon going at your own pace, and not having to stop to look at every ladybird/ stick/ dandylion (preferably avoid walking first thing in the day, you may well droop onto the settee afterwards, feeling even more tired)

Don't feel guilty about the house. It will wait. And don't feel as if it is your job to sort the whole house out. On the other hand, just doing one thing can be really good. Choose one job to do, and see if you feel a bit better afterwards. Run the hoover around one room. Wash up. You may feel up to doing a second job.

Sleep. Treat yourself to some early nights in bed, with a good book (I find that an evening's telly really makes me feel worse afterwards, really lethargic). Change the sheets and enjoy being in bed alone. It can feel like a real luxury.

Get out. Organise yourself some nights out for you. Treat yourself. And if you can afford it, join a gym - the mixture of getting out, meeting others and getting exercise can be brilliant. And they may have an introductory offer, even if just for a month or two, to get you kick started.

Have a list of things which you really need to get done, and tick off anything that you get done. Add on all the extra things that you already do - getting the kids dressed, shopping, cooking. Don't feel guilt about the stuff that doesn't get done. But give yourself a pat on the back for keeping your kids fed, clothed and at school. That can be a day's work in itself.

Good luck

Devongirl · 27/06/2006 11:07

Well said Notquitesotiredmum! I totally agree with everything you have said. Gloomygit, it doesn't even need to be PND - I had depression throughout my twenties, and am still aware that it can come back now. I really think that exercise is the key, just getting a bit of fresh air, walking, go on the swings (YOU not children!) anything that will make you feel a bit lighter.

Diet is a massive factor too - you are probably lacking in selenium, zinc, magnesium - eat lots of fresh foods -
this looks like a good page

On that page it talks about putting some music on and I totally agree with that - for me having a dance around on my own to some good music that I love makes me feel a lot better. Also, just try smiling - grin like a cheshire cat even when you don't mean it - it releases endorphines or something in your brain which actually make you feel better (I did it in bed for a couple of minutes before I got up in the morning).

And lastly, a tip from counselling that I received. When things are getting on top of you, write everything that you need to do on pieces of paper. Sit on the floor with them spread out all around you, pick one, then physically push all the rest of them away from you and put them away. Deal with the one thing that you selected, feel proud of yourself, and don't worry about the rest of the stuff until you feel a bit stronger - it might be in an hour or tomorow or whenever.

Remember that depression is not just you being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself - there is a reason for it, but as long as you want to come through it you will. I reckon 90% of people feel it at some point in their life, and the others 10% are too stupid to realise.

And remember PEOPLE DO CARE ABOUT YOU - even though when you're depressed you feel like you're on your own

xxx

Notquitesotiredmum · 27/06/2006 11:24

OOps. Didn't realise I had been quite so wordy!! Sorry for being so long!

Notquitesotiredmum · 27/06/2006 11:28

And I sound really bossy too. Sorry. Love the idea of the pieces of paper, Devongirl - I'll definitely try that one.

gloomygit · 27/06/2006 12:27

thank you so much for your replies.
today i have;-actually got myself showered and dressed before lunchtime(sounds awful that that isn't a given but there you go)
arranged a babysitter for friday night so dh and i can go out
eaten a big bowl of fruit for breakfast.

when i have finsihed this i'm going to tidy the living room, and if i do that-great.

it's nice to have you say i'm not being pathetic because that is how i feel.

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Notquitesotiredmum · 27/06/2006 12:52

Brilliant! Well done on achieving these things. You are not being pathetic. You are battling something that is not easy to beat, but which you can overcome, a little at a time, if you have support. And that is where MN comes into its own.

Just aim for a little at a time.

Hang on in there. And keep posting if it helps.

Notquitesotiredmum · 27/06/2006 12:53

PS Love your name!!

Devongirl · 27/06/2006 15:12

I don't know if you are open to other ideas about food, but I add a big handful of seeds to my cereal every morning - especially sunflower seeds. They taste nice anyway (once you're used to them) and they are packed full of goodness. The one thing I used to do when I was depressed was reach for the chocolate and junk food, meaning that my energy levels were all over the place (so I was deliriously happy for 5 minutes then plunged down low again which is very exhausting) , but the more wholefood you can eat the leveller you will feel.

Keep doing little bits at a time and you'll get there, you're not pathetic you're just human!

x

gloomygit · 30/06/2006 08:55

jut wanted to give a little update.have felt loads more in control this week.every time i feel myself getting into the 'dozing off zone' i've not allowed myself to and have got up and done something.
have been eating really healthily and did quite a bit of cleaning yesterday.i got a real sense of achievement afterwards!
looking forward to going out with dh tonight.
def feel better than i did the other day.
thank you!

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