Im a little scared ed relapse

[3asAbird]

Had the most awful stressful couple of months family wise.

The kids are ok, me and husband are not.

we both anxious and stressed about situation we in worrying about finances as he lost his job.

Right now we not told anyone family or friends so living a lie.

Im trying to be the positive strong one but its hard.

last few weeks struggled sleep.

food I sort of go from comfort eating to not eating much.

felt so out of control, started making my self sick after eating chocolate.

This is not a new thing although cant remember last time 1st was when I was 12 in my mid 30,s now have 3 lovely kids.

I feel annoyed with myself, ashamed.

But afterwards I feel sort of high floaty feeling.I had forgot how good it made me feel at the time.

This morning had row with husband he went out do some errands.

Got large bar choc gorged then vomited straight away.

Afterwards I felt so calm and serene its short term effect was i felt better.I am scared im slipping back my minds not in best place.

Felt guilty this afternoon like I know its wrong.

I have doctors appointment 2 weeks time see if he can give me something help me sleep as I am so tired.

I cant face the shame of mentioning this im just hoping I pull myself together and it does not become a habit again.

Any tips on avoiding relapses?

Cant face talking to anyone right now.

Also scared gp may tell hv then shes on my case.

Didn't want to read and run but thought I'd bump for you. Hope you're feeling a bit better today. How did you overcome your ED last time? Could that give you some ideas for new coping strategies? Can you get a GP appointment sooner?

Thanks mrs cog/dancing queen.

im struggling still to sleep.

having bad dreams when do sleep.

Tonight had row with husband he then went to visit his mum

kids played up arguing, bit tired.

I felt out of control huge sense of panic.

found myself grabbing for choc mouse out fridge only thing sweet had.

locked myself in bathroom vommed with tap running.

husband came home said sorry but thing still stained

after floaty feeling slightly dizzy then just feeling of calm.

worred im on slippery slope its only thing that helps.

feel so ashamed

mrs cog never sought specific treatment before

had counselling and medication for depression in past combined with self harm and eating dsorders

scared to mention to gp and dentist teeth are crap need to see dentist.

dont know what to say to gp need some drugs that stop me from doing this shit but cant admit what I do.

My lifes a proper mess right now and struggling to cope with stress.

I have suffered with Annorexia & depression. I find when I am stressed I don't eat. I have seen a psychologist & I see a psychiatrist. I take 75mg of Sertraline. & 2.5 mg of Olanzapine. Olanzap

Olanzapine is a mood stabilizer & an anti psychotic. It helps with obsessional disorders. It's been the best meds for me.
I also see a dietician.
Could you go & see your Dr. There are organization that you could talk to. I think one is called Beat.

Thanks sophie dotty.

well today not been been a good one.
on top of row last night had row lunchtime over and said to hi er phone.

went straight for choc mouse and was sick,

had another row tonight over his secretive smoking as stress relief and said to him how hell you think im destressng right now or don't u care?
he got angry said of course he cares im being unreasonable cow was tempted to be sick again but had tea, crisps and wine tonight would take too long and don't want him to hear me or find out its my problem/my secret a he seems to think I can mange just fine;

cant believe was trying to discuss my feelings and ends up in yet another row.

Only way i do feel better and empty calm feeling is after beng sick rest of time feel up tights and ,

I cant see any other way of coping right now.

guess throwing up better than cutting myself.

Sorry to hear things aren't so good.
My coping mechanism is not eating when stressed. I suffer with depression & Anorexia but I'm currently stable on meds. I see a psychologist once a week & that really helps.

Could see your Dr & see what services in your area there are? Eating disorders are very complicated & also mood related. Prozac I know is recommended for the treatment of Bulimia. Would you consider taking any meds to help your mood?
I saw a dietician a few years ago & it helped looking at what I was eating & understanding the need for a balanced diet. I am going again this week as I have osteoporosis & my bone scan has shown a decline in density from 2 years ago.

You probably know but you need to consider the long term damage caused by vomiting. It can affect your heart rhythms, can give you stomach ulcers & affect the enamel on your teeth. The relief you feel afterwards is only temporary but over time it will take it's toll on your body.

Stress is a horrible thing & we all find ways to cope to get us through. If you can find an alternative way to cope by help of some therapy you can beat it.

I hope you are ok today.

Thanks sophie hope you better soon.

well today not binged and been sick will try not to.

Had to go shopping for school shoes and ended up promising few kids in m&s food hall.

It was really busy felt so stressed and panicy like was having some sort of minor panic attack not like me normally love shopping.

Hubbys gone out to see his mum usually by now i be reaching for trhe choc but trying to be strong today and say no.

Had another shit nights sleep couldent sleep and then by time did both kids woke then awoke early.

Dont think the darkness/rain and cold improves my mood feeling so lethargic.

Will see doctor this week and just say feeling panicy and stressed dont want to admit to being bulimic guess so used to it coming and going really has been years so bt dissapointed in myself that I have gone back to it.

Guess im just hoping it will go away without me having to admit to everyone as feel really bad about it.

Hey 3asabird, just to say well done for not bingeing today, if you can break the pattern today, you've got more chance of not doing it again tomorrow. Hope the dr is helpful about the anxiety and not sleeping. You're not alone, bad coping mechanisms like bingeing/purging will always be something to struggle against when stressed, don't feel ashamed.

Thanks Choos 123 sadly just 1 day off binging but only doing it once a day and small amounts.

Determined wont binge today.

Finally been gps told him about lack of sleep, panic attacks, feeling bit stressed.

still need to book dental appointment as ot 14diazapam. for dental treatment so least 10spare guess.

I was hoping to go back on temazapam.

makes me sound like a junkie.

havanet been on any meds for 10years.

hes given me 28 3.75m zopliclone no repeat prescription option.

Worried they wont wonk but ive a try as getting 3hours sleep a night making me tired , grouchy rowing with husband.

I did say look wine might chill me but doesnt help me sleep, I dont smoke.

Now im grown woman with family illeal drugs no longer sensible option.

He did mention anti depressents and i said was reluctant.

I was on them durng 2002 and he said ahh thatss far back to go through records so told him I was on venlafaxine and he seemed shocked as said thats really serious antidepressent explained to him was worse coming off that than the temazapam whch used sparingly.

So I guess im clean slate he doesnt know my history.

I had kids with me he dident ask any questions about food couldent face telling him and dident really want to explain final year uni where was borderline anorexic/bulimic and self harming.

I going to see if feel better getting some sleep.

still worried about the anxiety as hate the panic attacks.

going to try and just stop the binging by myself.

Not told anyone other than here as too ashamed.

when im sick get over whelming feeling of calm floatyness.

Maybe if could just feel calmer less stressed then wouldent feel need to purge.

I dont think im depressed just too many things happened latly
and im reacting to that as life feels bit out of control and scary.

Hes given me number of counselling but right now the fear of talking fills me with dread theres nothing talking to some random stranger will do to relive my very real worries.

He was really lovelyman seen him once before hes quite oldstyle.
just hoping I can stop myself slpping again.