Is this the baby blues?

[MamaPingu]

I have a three week old son and I'm feeling miserable.
However, I'm not sure if it is PND or just general stress.

I'm 19 and living with my parents for the time being until me and my partner can afford our own place. I feel like my parents are always commenting and giving "advice" which makes me feel like I must be a bad mum. They're really nice but they say things like "you need to get him in a routine" or "he CANT be hungry" when he obviously is. I'm doing all the things they are advising me and when I get upset they say "we're only giving you advice we aren't having a go"

It's really wearing me down and making me feel like I'm not looking after my baby right. I don't feel like I'm allowed to do what I want with my own son

Other things my mum has said are "I had house work to do aswell when I had a baby" which made me feel even worse.

And when I get upset she always says "it's hard work having a baby, I told you that" which is funny because the last thing I'm struggling with is the baby! It's everyone else driving me mad.

I also feel under pressure to take my son to my partners to see his mum and dad even though they won't make the effort to come here. He wants our baby to sleep over at there's but I know for a fact his mum will look after him through the night cause she keeps offering which is the last thing I want.

I feel quite protective over my baby and don't want to leave him with anyone, is this normal? I let my parents have him for a few hours so I can have a sleep but I really don't want anyone having him over night except me! I also hate the fact his mum loves my baby so much, I feel like she wants him for herself and I bet she would keep him if she could it drives me mad! Feel really pathetic for feeling that way.

Is it PND or am I just reasonable to be unhappy?

Ok, it is very normal to not want to leave a three week old baby with what are essentially strangers overnight. Do not agree to this until you are ready. Your tiny baby needs to be with you and his Dad and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. In a few months time when he is more settled and perhaps has a routine then he can stay with his granny.
It is also very normal for it to takes weeks/months to establish any sort of routine. Mine were at least 8 weeks old.
You may have a touch of PND. Can you speak to your health visitor about it?
Not quite sure what to suggest about your Mum. Would she respond to a heartfelt chat? Tell her how you feel. That you appreciate her help etc. but need to be allowed to find your own way. That you promise to come to her if you need some advice but you've realised that he (your DS) is your responsibility and you want to handle it in your own way.
Feeling like you might be a crap mum is very normal. The fact that you care so much shows clearly that you are not in fact, crap!
Just remember you've just been though a gruelling ordeal and will be exhausted. You are hormonal and vulnerable. BUT this is all quite normal.
It will get easier. Don't hesitate to get some proper (medical) help if it continues or gets worse.

It is exhausting having a tiny baby and lots of people will have their own opinions. What they say may be true for when they were parents but that does not help you. Can you sleep over at your partner's with the baby to have time away from your folk?

Why not talk to your health visitor about your situation. There are often groups put on at chikdren's centres to support young mums and it may be really helpful for you to meet with other young mums living at home and just offload stress, realise it is normal and what is normal and see how they cope.

I found getting out of e house to baby groups helped too!! Again free ones at children s centres.

I don't think i would dare tell anyone how I feel if I'm honest. I'm feeling really miserable tonight and I'm on my own :(

Don't have a clue what to do really. I'm happy looking after my baby, still feel like a crap mum sometimes but in general I'm coping. I just feel like my little boys all I've got, I hope I stop feeling like this soon

Why not tell your HV? Like I suggested. You have 2 choices. D not tell anyone and accept that life is going to remain how it is. Or choose a professional who could help, such as a HV who specialises in caring for under 5 yr olds and their parents and see if it helps. If you always do what you always do you will always get what you always got. That is what I was told and it is true.

A HV can link you up with groups to support you. Check you getting everything you entitled to for support. Can offer different forms of support depending in what you need.

They do not treat people for pnd, that is role of a gp. But it sounds like your circumstances are part of the issue and if you got help with that your mood can change.

Oh all mums feel rubbish and question themselves by the way. That is why we go to mum and toddler groups, to realise we are not alone feeling like this, to chat and get things off our chest and to realise that it is exhausting being a parent!!!