Looking for advice and honesty

[Lookingforadvice123]

Hi everyone.

This is my first post but I've been reading the forums on mums net for a while. I'm 26, no children, engaged.

I'm looking for a bit if honesty, and possibly advice, on my situation. I think I might be suffering from a form of anxiety, but equally I'm not sure whether I'm just being completely ridiculous, pathetic and need to get a grip. Basically I daily have worries/obsessive thoughts about being excluded or left out, and other people preferring others to me. Currently it's happening in work, but it's also happened with old school friends, uni friends, OH's family. It's at the point where if I feel left out in work, I'm miserable for the rest of the day. I work in a large office, and colleagues are friendly enough, but most have worked there for years, whereas I've been there less than two. I can identify that the reasons I feel left out are trivial, but I just can't help it bothering me.

I'm a massive over thinker and analyse everything. I always think I have some sort of illness - most recently I've half convinced myself that I've got a life limiting illness, and actually experience the symptoms eg pins and needles, tingling sensations. I'm also very nervous, if I have to stay overnight alone I'm terrified (even though we live in a safe flat), TV / films really affect me. I compare myself with everyone, even people who don't matter to me at all. Recently I got very upset because I'm convinced OH's parents and sister prefer his brother's girlfriend to me and were leaving me out. I know it shouldn't matter either way, and I can give great objective advice to others, but for me, every molehill is a mountain.

On paper my life is excellent and I'm very very lucky. I'm engaged to a lovely man, we're not rich but both earn enough money for a comfortable life and have secure jobs. My friends are nice (even the ones I'm paranoid are leaving me out - I could never say any do it in a nasty way, which is one of the reasons I now believe it's me, not them), I'm close to my family, I have hobbies outside of work eg gym and yoga. I'm also happy with my appearance, but always worry about how I'm dressed and that others look much better than me.

Please, I would be so grateful for advice, or, if you think I'm being immature/stupid/self involved, please give me a reality check instead. I always thought these feelings would go away, but if anything they've gotten worse as I get older. OH and I will be ttc in the next couple of years, and I know I will be paranoid from month 1 that there's something wrong with us and we can't conceive - I'm already convinced OH has fertility problems and it's a worry I regularly come back to.

Thanks everyone, I think I've rambled on enough, sorry the post is so long.

If these feelings are impacting your enjoyment of life (seems from your post they are) then I would go and discuss them with your GP.

I don't know if you've checked out the MIND website, but here's a link

I had some kind of general anxiety disorder that really hit when my daughter was one, it was hideous and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It took a course of anti-depressants and more importantly Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to sort me out but I'm now basically fine.

Just a word of caution, some GP's are better at dealing with Mental Health issues than others, mine was basically fine but a bit keen to reach for the prescription pad, when I first went I definitely needed the anti-depressants but when I had a relapse I had to push for CBT.

Good luck

You aren't immature, stupid or self involved. In fact you sound very mature and self aware; I wonder if you are almost too self aware. You say you analyse everything - I suspect you over analyse and, because you are a clever and perceptive woman, you think analysing things on your own will help.

I think you should go to your doctor. Your post reminds me a lot of the way I felt a few years ago. It took a lot but I finally recognised I couldn't do it by myself. My doctor diagnosed me with depression and I've been to CBT sessions and take anti depressants at a low dose. I still have days where I worry and feel paranoid but far fewer.

I hope you do decide to seek help. I wish you the best of luck. I'll be thinking of you

Thanks both for your replies, I'm really grateful that you took the time to read and respond. I have a doctors appointment booked for next week (something unrelated) and was thinking about raising it but this has given me the push, so thank you again. I'm worried the doctor will just think I'm immature or making a fuss but it's better than always wondering if it really is a problem, the way I am now.

Can I ask how best I can tell the doctor the problems, from your own experiences? There's just a lot of stuff to say, I could've written more in my post but felt it was already too long. I really, really don't want to take anti depressants. As you mentioned I'm aware that some doctors are too willing to hand them out. I would definitely attend therapy if I was offered but I'm doubting that it will be as my issues seem so trivial compared to others (and I know logically that they are, it just doesn't stop them bothering me). I'll have a look on the website you provided though, even if the doctor recommended a book I think that might be worthwhile.

I would recommend picking out the key issues that are affecting you and tell the dr those. It may well be they ask you to come back in a few weeks, it is known as watchful waiting. Then they may check things are the same and consider options. Medication and talking treatments are all they can usually offer, or referral to specialist mental health teams if they consider you need an official diagnosis beyond what a gp can do. The talking treatment may indeed have a waiting list as it is often triaged depending in waiting times in your area. And is usually 6-8 sessions so not enough to change your life ( sadly the NHS does not have big budgets) but enough to teach skills and get people to consider change, accepting things etc etc (depends on what type of treatment it is). You can also choose private therapy if you have private insurance, work may offer it or if you choose to go that route.

There are self help things you could try: healthy diet, regular exercise, off load to friend or family some things so they do not build up. I was told it was important to talk to new mums without mental health difficulties when I had my baby so I realised it was not just me who struggled with breastfeeding etc. sometimes just realising life is thought, people do worry, things are normal can really help.

Regarding ttc, yes some couples do struggle with fertility. Many do not!!! Some people struggle if not pregnant within a few months, others see that as quick. I had to bite my tongue when a friend cried when not pregnant after 2 months (she needed 3 months!!) when it took us years. There are things you can do to help such as have healthy weights, healthy diets, take a pre conception supplement, do not smoke. Many stop alcohol as well. And have regular sex at the fertile time in your cycle.

Oh there are some books you can get on prescription so why not ask for that??? Or the name of one to buy?

Thanks for replying hoop hopes. Unfortunately I've researched a lot of the 'normal' ways to deal with anxiety ie diet, exercise, chamomile tea (!!!) which I do as part of my lifestyle anyway, but n

Sorry posted too soon!

*but none have worked. I think I recognise that I need to change the way I mentally react to things, as I let things consume me when, if I was an outsider looking in, I would probably think they were trivial. I just wish I would take my own advice!