How do I help my DH?

[AlottaRunning]

Hi
I'm looking for advice and not sure where is best to ask.
I'm pretty sure my DH has bipolar and not sure how I can help him when he doesn't seem to want to help himself. His moods are seriously affecting our relationship.

I have felt for a few months that he has bipolar, his moods have always been erratic but not to such huge depths. Throughout the summer he has been so moody, snapping at me and the kids and at times barely speaking to me.

It got to the point where he had barely spoke to me for three days and was shouting at the kids over something trivial again when I ended up confronting him, he was angry had a go at me but when I said I felt our marriage was coming to an end because I can't cope feeling as though he hated me, he got really upset and asked me to give it until after Christmas, to which I agreed on the provision we both make an effort to change our behaviours and he learns to communicate with me (he knows that I get frustrated with him as he bottles up all his problems). He agreed to this but about an hour later broke down in tears, admitting he feels suicidal, he's felt suicidal for a while now and he also thinks he is bipolar (this was without me mentioning I believed he was too).

I asked him to see his GP but he is refusing, he says not to worry as he won't kill himself, there is always something that stops him. My worry is that one day something will tip him over the edge. He says he didn't mean anything he had said to me earlier, he knows he is horrible to people and he doesn't know why. I've told him I will support him, I will go to GP's with him, anything that will help but he wont.

This was a month ago and nothing has changed he's acting as though it never happened, but he's still really down. Getting him out of bed is a battle, he hates work even though he got his much longed for promotion earlier in the year and he's taken to just lying around at home with no interest in anything he usually has an interest in. We make arrangements to do stuff and he seems happy to do it, then come the day he can't be bothered. The days I am at work and he has the kids he's not doing anything with them, he's mainly on his computer, their homework is not getting done when I am not there to tell them to do it.

I am at a total loss as what to do, he has no interest in spending time with me (yet is still happy enough to have sex), is not going to go to the GPs and has left me feeling frustrated and worried and completely helpless.

How can I convince him to get help?

Well you can't really make him get help.....why are you so sure it is bipolar - is it in the family? Have you been consulting Dr Google?

When you told him that you thought your marriage was coming to an end earlier in the year, it brought about a crisis, when he "let go" and broke down in tears and admitted he felt suicidal. It's at times of crisis that change is most likely to happen, but he has now slid back into his old ways. I feel desperately sorry for him as I know the torment of depression myself.

I think you need to do what you did before, but with more strength (as in issuing him with an ultimatum) he sees GP ASAP and you go with him to ensure he tells the GP the truth about his mental health, or your marriage will come to an end.

The thing is that there are very good meds for bipolar if indeed this is what he has got. BUT you can't change his behaviour, you can only change your behaviour towards him IFYSWIM.

Hi NanaNina
As far as I know bipolar does not run in his family, though both his parents have suffered depressive episodes. I suffered depression myself for around 10 years so know the signs of depression but he does have very erratic moods. He often gets carried away with idea when in a good mood, often spends money on new projects won't listen to anyone who tries to calm him down and before you know it, he is bored with it. He gets very arrogant when in a good mood and it's almost like he thinks he's invincible. That was why I thought it might be bipolar, the fact that he also thinks it is without us ever having discussed it makes me think so too.

I think you are right though I am going to have to give him an ultimatum. I know I can't make him go to the Drs. Just want to make him see it is the right thing to do. I don't think he will get better without help.

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/speaking-to-gp-about-someone-elses-health.aspx?CategoryID=68&SubCategoryID=158

Go to the GP and speak to him about your husband as soon as possible.

Thank You for that FavoriteThings. We belong to seperate GP surgeries but I think I will speak to my GP and ask for some advice and if their is anywhere else I can get him to turn if he wont go to GP, doubt he'd speak to a counsellor either.

I'm planning on spending some time with him on Saturday, the only day we both have off work, and see if I can get him to open up again.