Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

Original poster

I'm falling again :(

16 replies

AllIWant85 · 22/09/2013 11:02

I'm depressed, there, I said it. I can't cope anymore living a lie.

I've been stressed and anxious for a few months now and the GP keeps encouraging me to go back on meds but I'm reluctant after the last withdrawal I had. I thought I could cope.

Now the one thing that keeps me stable is going, my dog. I can't live without my dog. I know that sounds so dramatic and maybe I do need to suck it up but my heart is shattered into a thousand pieces and I feel like going to sleep and never waking up again. The alternative isn't a life, it's an existence.

I am so alone and so sad. :(

OP posts:

Pollywallywinkles · 22/09/2013 11:35

I didn't want to read and run.

Can you go back to the GP and discuss things further? Is medication the best way forward, or would counselling, CBT etc. be useful on their own? Is there another medication that you could use this time round, or if the last medication worked, could withdrawal be managed differently this time round? It's quite clear that something needs to be done.

You've made a good move in recognising that you are not coping at the moment, so well done on that. Be kind to yourself.

I'm not sure what you mean about your dog and your heart being shattered into a thousand pieces.

Original poster

AllIWant85 · 22/09/2013 12:35

I'm having CBT at the moment, I'm not sure it will work for me.

My dog is my sanity, I got him when I was last suffering from depression and he fixed me. He was always there when I needed him and gave me the confidence to go out and get better. Now I have to rehome him and it's breaking my heart. I can't sleep, I can't eat.

I've been clutching at straws for the past few months but he's still always been there to calm me and steady me, now I'll have nothing as my support.

OP posts:

Pollywallywinkles · 22/09/2013 13:03

It is not surprising you feel the way you do. A dog is a great companion and gets you out and talking to other people. Why do you have to re home him? Is there any way re homing can be avoided?

Stick with the CBT you may find it useful in the long run.

Original poster

AllIWant85 · 22/09/2013 13:10

He snapped at my 14mo DS again. Next time it could be a bite and then I'd have to have him pts. He hated DS when he was first born and was very anxious so we had a behaviourist in to work with him and the situation has been manageable over the last year. He is just too unpredictable. I don't think there is any other option than to rehome, as much as it's killing me.

I will stick with the CBT in case it works. Thanks for listening, it makes me feel not quite so alone.

OP posts:

Pollywallywinkles · 22/09/2013 16:52

You are making the right decision for all of you regarding your dog. It is sad, but it would be even sadder if he did bite DS and he had to be pts.

Do you think counselling would help alongside the CBT? Have you tried exercise, although with a little one it may be not that easy to find the time. Perhaps some brisk walks in the fresh air with little one in his buggy.

Does your GP think that things will sort themselves out without medication?

Original poster

AllIWant85 · 22/09/2013 21:46

I exercise everyday for at least 30 minutes and I eat a balanced diet.

I don't know if counselling would work either, maybe it's worth a shot.

I know it's the right decision to rehome my dog but it does not make it any less painful. He is my support and my calming influence. I really don't see how I can cope without him. :(

OP posts:

Original poster

AllIWant85 · 22/09/2013 21:47

And I don't really know what the GP thinks, she doesn't say.

OP posts:

Pollywallywinkles · 22/09/2013 22:09

You are doing a lot of positive things, so well done on that.

It will be heart breaking letting go of your dog, but you don't have any real choice in the matter. You will eventually get used to life without your furry friend. At some point in the future you will be able to focus on the positive times and love you have had with your dog rather than the loss.

kerstina · 23/09/2013 15:57

I was thinking about your thread last night when I could not sleep. I can understand that craving for a dog you had. When I suffered from stress years ago I felt a real desire for a dog that it would heal me and make me better. I suppose what they actually do is make you focus on something other than how bad you are feeling and of course they love you unconditionally.
I never did get the dog I craved but I did get a DS and and two kittens and they seemed to help at the time! One cat upped and left when I had DS but I still have the other. She is 14.So my only advice would be if you do let your dog be re homed when you feel up to it get a kitten or cat that is good with children. They can lift your spirits just as much but usually know when to keep out of the way of toddlers.

TheSilverySoothsayer · 23/09/2013 18:02

I was going to say the same about cats :) Mine (now 17) has seen me through bad times and good...

And the Litter Tray is a great MN board.

Original poster

AllIWant85 · 23/09/2013 21:13

Thank you for thinking of me.

I don't think I will have another pet ever again, I can't experience this twice. I think I'm doing ok and then all of a sudden it hits me again and I'm in floods of tears.

I have CBT tomorrow but that seems pointless to me at the moment. I will go but I really don't care if I can control my anxieties, I just want to keep my dog. :(

OP posts:

Pollywallywinkles · 23/09/2013 21:21

You are bound not to want another pet ever again at this point in time. Things will improve as time moves on, although it will take a while. Your dog has helped you get through difficult times, but now is the time for him to move on somewhere new, in his new life he will be a loved companion to others and perhaps help them through difficult times too.

Focus on what you have had rather than on what you have lost. Feel blessed that you have had him in your life, even though his time with you has not been as long as you would have liked to have been.

Get yourself off to your CBT tomorrow and go with an open mind.

Take care of yourself. I will check in tomorrow to see how your CBT went.

TheSilverySoothsayer · 23/09/2013 21:29

Would it be possible to keep in touch with him when he's rehomed? Or would that be unbearable?

(I used to keep pet rats, btw, but gave up doing so because I couldn't handle the repeated grief as they have such short lives (3 years if that).)

Pollywallywinkles · 24/09/2013 21:52

I hope you manage to get to your CBT and got on with it ok.

Original poster

AllIWant85 · 25/09/2013 21:16

I don't think they will allow me to keep in touch with him once he goes back.

I went to my CBT session. We focused on relapse prevention which I think is a good idea as history tells me I spiral out of control very quickly.

Tomorrow we have to phone the rescue centre back and see how they want to move forwards.

Thank you for all your support

OP posts:

Pollywallywinkles · 25/09/2013 21:32

I'm so pleased to hear that you went to the CBT. It sounds as if it may have been useful. Well done on going.

Flip