just need somebody to listen..

[islasmummy2013]

Hello,
This is the first time iv posted somthing so intimate about myself so please bear with me.

I am 21 years old, I have a 7 month old daughter and i'm pregnant with another (22 weeks). I currently live 160 miles away from any family or friends and have done so for around 18 months. I live with my partner and we have a good relationship, we are happy to be together and happy to have such a beautiful daughter and another on the way.

Anyway..i fear I am becoming depressed. I have no support around me, I am frightened to tell my family back home as I don't want to cause worry. I do not make friends easily as I'm quite shy and find it very hard to be myself around people, I keep wanting to go to mother and baby groups but I find myself scared to go in case people don't like me, silly I know but I can't help it. I'm not usually one to care what people think but I have such a need to make friends that I'm completely terrified ill just be rejected.
I am isolating myself, im not doing it deliberately I just can't seem to help it, even the thought of going to the local shop worries me in case I bump into somebody. I find myself crying most days, sometimes I'm not even sure what about, I just feel like it's all too much.
My financial situation is becoming worse and worse, my partner works and it works out after travel expenses that we really would be better off on benefits but we are honest people and want to work and progress to better things, but the longer time goes on the more afraid I'm getting of facing my problems which is causing me to get into debt.
I really do wish the ground would open up and swallow me!
I don't like talking to my partner about it, iv been keeping everything inside for so long I'm not sure if it could even all come out. I'm considering going to my gp as I'm getting more down as the days go on but im worried they will think I'm just being stupid.

Please tell me I'm not alone?

honey i need a moment to think what i want to say but you are definitely never alone here.x

ok,can you talk to your midwife if things are getting on top of you?
would it be possible for a family member to come and stay for even a few days and maybe accompany you to a mums and tots or similar so you have a bit moral support on your first visit.
have you considered looking at mn local
isolating yourself will increase your anxiety and longterm that's not good for you,your little one or the new baby

times are very stressful for you at the moment and ploddingon keeping it all inside clearly isn't working for you

you can always post on MN ,someones always listening

keep posting and if you need someone just to listen feel free to private message me.i pop online most days

sending virtual hugs

As well as your gp your midwife and health visitor are places of support. If you tell them what you put here they can suggest support and they will maybe know of local things etc.

You say you are lacking support where you live. What support are you needing or wanting? If you know what you want you can ask for it. Many people live away from family or have no family to help sadly.

If you ask your HV she can refer you to home start which is a volunteer to come to your house once a week. That might help.

Finances and children are always hard. Are you working or would you look for work after your child is born as there may be funding for some childcare? Or if you study there can be funding for childcare. Many families find two working helps as sadly life is just expensive. Why not go to your local CAB to seek advice about your financial position just to make sure you are claiming what you are entitled to. Also children get some free nursery care when aged 3 and for lower income earners some funding for aged 2 so that should help in the future if you want to work.

sending u hugs >
there is always someone to talk too. i know its scary doing something for the first time but once you have done it the next time will be easier and the mums groups are a good place to meet new friends and more importantly to get you out of the house social interaction is important when you feel ur mood dipping. get some family and friends to come stay with you if the can for a few days. ur never alone