What can I do?

[anchovies]

I posted the other day about a problem I've got where I can't swallow food. This has since turned into struggling to swallow anything, waking up feeling like I'm choking etc. I went to the doctors yesterday who referred me to a psychiatrist for an assessment followed by cognitive behaviour therapy or whatever. Problem is this isn't for at least a couple of weeks.

I really feel like I am losing it, got very little sleep last night (choking) and kept having these strange feelings of not knowing what was real and what wasn't? Got up this morning completely unable to cope with my ds's, 2 year old has been screamed at and 4 month old has just been left in his chair. What can I do I need to sort myself out. No-one to help, mum is ill and has visitors and don't want to admit to dh what's going on. I need to get my head together but feel completely detached and am worried what's going to happen.

Anchovies - poor you, where do you live? Do you have a good HV - mine is great and just pops in for a chat and to check I am coping. I know you don't want to tell dh but you may have to. Think your Doc should have tried to rush through your appointment considering you have your hands full. If you want to chat i will stay around (apart from school run) xxx

Poor you, it sounds like maybe your GP hasn't grasped how serious this is. Could you go back or phone? I think if you can't cope with the children you need a more urgent appt. I didn't read your other thread but maybe the time has come to tell you dh? And yeah, HV is a good place to start......sorry not much help. How awful for you. Nothing worse than coping with small kids when you feel like this. Where are you??

Thanks for your messages. Appointment is through bupa so I don't think it could be any quicker. Don't even know who my hv is and don't fancy explaining the choking thing, found it awful yesterday at the gp, I could hardly breath. Think dh kind of gets what's going on but can't tell him anything else because I know he'll want to come home and he can't. Feel a bit better now though, have had a drink and fed ds2. Another question, how much will it affect ds2 that I can't eat, am breastfeeding and he won't take a bottle?

Anchovies

I am pretty sure that your not eating will not affect your breast milk for a while. Your body will draw on your resources to keep producing milk for him, but you will therefore feel weaker more quickly.

But sweetheart, if you aren't coping, you need to look after yourself and to get someone else to, too. Even if you do feel detached, do ring your hv. And with her help, tell dh too. Your little ones need you for more than breastmilk . . . and you deserve more care too. It's what the hv. and your family are there for. Tell them about the detached feeling as well as the eating problems - they will know that feeling well and be able to support you. They won't feel that you are silly, and don't be concerned if the problem clears up once you have told them. It can, but it doesn't mean that it is any less real now. Just tell them and take it from there.

I've been in a similar place to you on the food front, feeling unable to eat at all. I found one thing that I could eat and lived on it for weeks, until the symptoms cleared gradually.

So whilst you are waiting for help on the food front, experiment. See if you can find something that you can eat or drink. I found bitter lemon easy to cope with. Or occasionally milk from the fridge. Runny honey sandwiches are v. nutricious and easier to eat than some things - even if its only a few bites. But it might be something strange - an old favourite, like bacon butties with ketcup on - which you find you can eat. And in the meantime, get a packet of multivitamins. Try not to give up eating altogether. And good luck with getting some support.

How are you today Anchovies?