Managing depression without meds

[katsh]

I had depression about 10 yrs ago and had fluoxatine which was great but side effects going on it were terrible. Recently hit with another bout of reactive depression. I've been to the GP and she's referred to a mental health team so hopefully I'll see someone soon for some talking therapy as that really helped last time. It's moderate to severe, but I don't want to go on meds as I can't face the side effects and feel I've enough to cope with at the moment. Am I being really ridiculous? Currently feeling exhausted, detached and sad, but managing basic functioning day to day. Your thoughts please?

Thanks mildred, so glad it helped you x

Sometimes it all seems so normal to me and I can feel... whatever... without struggle and with acceptance. I can take the moments as they come. Other times... ah, it's hard not to follow the thoughts. Thing is the more I do and read about this the more I realize that this is it, this is part of life's rich tapestry and even the Buddhist masters with no pressures on them, free to just mosey about contemplating the nature of existence without the realities of life with kids etc have and live with these moments, weeks, months of darkness.

I think I got very caught up in the 'illness' story but it is just so common and so almost universal that even my own little quirks that tip it over diagnostically into something best off supported with meds doesn't really take from the broad brush strokes.

Mainly I am just struck by how random life is and the anxiety of uncertainty. There are just no real guarantees except that one way or it is likely that my kids' grandchildren won't easily recall my name. I know a lot of my suffering is that I want to squeeze and hold the moments and i end up forcing and grasping at them like the famous analogy of the toddler forcing open the buds of a flowers and frustrated she can't make them bloom.

This stuff is the work of the lifetime I think.

Absolutely working - is the work of a lifetime to understand and ponder.
I wouldn't be so sure though that your kid's grandchildren won't easily recall your name ... since having my DC I've become more and more interested in finding out about my family history and in the summer we stopped off at the church where my great-grandfather was the vicar at turn of last century. We found the grave of his mother so were able to show the DC where their great-grandmother grew up, brought up there by their great-great grandmother, and to see the grave of their great-great-great grandmother. She was called Mary

• most of it the maternal line as well, which I found particularly rewarding and poignant to retrace and remember.

Another thought ... you might particularly enjoy exploring the fleeting beauty and sadness expressed in Japanese poetry such as haiku. This feeling is part of the national consciousness and the whole country joins in each year with celebrating the arrival of the cherry blossom, with picnic parties held in parks beneath the glorious blossom. The fleetingness of the pleasure of seeing the blossom adds to the poignancy of the experience

Juggling I could read your lovely posts all day!

Mary is an excellent name :)

Thanks Geek.
Hope everyone here is good today x