I know i have no choice but i find every day such a struggle. I lost my mum 5 months ago and i still cry everyday. Some days i still cant believe she has actually gone and this is not happening. I have my lovely ds1 who is 2 (age says it all with the hard work!) and my new baby 4 wks old. I am at home every day while dh is at work and i feel so empty and alone. I feel lost and anxious all the time and dont want to go out. I go out when dh is with me but today i was supposed to go and get my baby weighed and decided against it because i could not facegoing out. I found just trying to get organised to go out a huge mission!
Every night i think to myself tomorrow i will do this and that and be positive but tomrw comes and i wake up with this huge aching feeling, and all over again i set off on the day in a bad mood.
I want to take my son to the beech (only 15min walk away) but the thought just turns my tummy and i start feeling scared of going out the door alone. I dont know what i am scared of but i am so unsure of everything and i have lost the strength to feel confident anymore.
I just want to runaway from me and not deal with my head anymore. I miss my mum so much i am finding it really hard just to get through each day, sometimes every hour feels like tourcher.
My dad is finding it hard too, he finds it difficult to go to work some days and he is now on ad's and valium. We talk alot and i talk alot with my sister and dh but i still cant feel as if i can reach anyone and have someone else to talk to. Sorry to go on just need to get it off my chest you know. I want all this pain to end now because i dont think i could take much more of this anymore