having a down day, couldnt get up this morning boys were sent to school whilst i was laying in bed, just kept checking (calling to them) if they had what they needed and then out on time. from my bed! got up got dressed but felt so tired and zombied i had to go and lay back down on my bed.
daughter was left to watch peppa pig, she did keep coming in and telling me to get up but i kept raising my voice and telling her i was tired. how bad a parent am i?!
im not liking being a parent at all, i find it so stressful and extreemly hard. although i wouldnt want social services to know that i exhaust myself trying to cope every day, i have days - like today that i dont want them, could do without them.
i know i must sound like a cold hearted piece of work and prepared for a grilling but i cant feel any lower then i do right now to be honest.
i had my assesssment a few weeks ago and was told again that im depressed have since felt like i have given up getting help, havent phoned for counselling, havent gone back to my gp.
if you have read my other threads i know i go on about being mis-diagnosed, i hate being depressed, i hate that when i feel i want to explain to someone why a i am how i am and do what i do. that telling people i have depression they dont understand me, i feel unless they have had it - alot of people see depression as some one who just cries alot! so doesnt explain me at all.
sorry to ramble on, needed to off load.