Seem to be falling further down :(

[lifesgottagetbetter]

Hi,

Dont really post very often, but am feeling so lost at the moment. I am on antidepressants but dont seem to be working atm.

I have 2 children, DS who although lovely is very hard work and has learning problems and tantrums up to 50 times a day, he is almost 5. Have a DD who has major health problems and ends up in hospital for weeks at a time, she is almost 2. When she is in hospital, she gets no visitors, and I spend the entire time alone.

Few months ago my Dad died, which really knocked me, and to be honest none of my friends ever ask how I am its like it never happened.

I am a sahm, but soon starting college, hoping to make something of myself, as I am really struggling being at home, I dont see anyone during the day, my friends always say they will meet up, but whenever I suggest it they always tend to be busy, they never contact me to make plans.

Just feel so utterly alone and wondering if I am pushing people away being obviously depressed, and to top off my day, just drove into a wall and my DH has gone mental at me as it has scratched all the paintwork on the car.

Not sure what Im asking for, but just need to get my feelings out :(

didnt want too read and run. u are obviously going thru so much at the min its hard to think straight. I cant offer too much practical advice as I myself am struggling juggling family and about to start a uni course. but I wanted to say please talk as it does help.

im forever on here just ranting about stuff and even that helps. my ds is nearly 17 months and with no issues except he tantrums most of the day. Head banging the floor etc would not be too bad but I have dd 3 1/2 with anaemia who gets tired easily to look after.
I know my situ sounds easier than u. but we are here to support x

also I suffer panic attacks and im on citalopram and had this since I was 11 yrs old. x

thanks for replying, im on fluxoxetine, and normally i find it good, did increase my dose at one stage but it made me very high and completely emotionless, so I decided to stay on lower dose. I just see other people looking so happy and surrounded by families and I wish it was me.

lifesgottagetbetter-

that's really quite recent that your dad died , no wonder you're f finding it tough. You are coping with a lot , hope someone posts with praxtical first steps but just wanted to say no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed.

sorry about typos

I'm sorry to hear your story. I know how it feels to feel alone, afraid, depressed, anxious etc. I had my DD last August and became seriously ill after a c-section which hospitalised me for 3 months I missed 6 months of my DD life and never thought I would ever manage the roll of being a mum. I felt so guilty at not being there for my DD when she was only a baby. it took me a long time to laugh and smile again. i have found out along my journey that only you can help yourself. its a tough world out there and only you can survive in it.
It is nice to talk to people get your emotions put but no one truly understands what your going through and it's frustrating. I was so mad at life for a long time but there's always someone worse off than yourself. I'm just grateful to be alive and with my DD.
You have been through so much I think going to college will be a chance to do something for yourself and get to know new people. Try and make time for your friends and things that you enjoy. Having something to look forward to can make life that little bit easier.
I'm sorry to here of your loss that must be hard. I lost my granda during my illness and never really got to see him in the end which wasn't nice as I was very close to him but I know he's watching over me.
Try and stay positive you are doing a fantastic job and give yourself credit for that.

Thanks everyone, I am very nervous about college as I Am a shy person, but I'm also determined as I have always wanted a career and am actually quite proud of myself for following through with it.

Illmum you are right no one understands and unless they have been through the same I wouldn't expect them to, it's just that I get so many people offering to help and it never materialises. I'm sick of seeing people on Facebook where their child had a couple night away at someone else's house to give them a break. I'm not bitter much lol

Had a quote to fix the car - £200! Dh isn't happy!

Good for you. You should be proud of yourself with everything that's going on and your still managing to make arrangements for college. I'm quite shy around people I don't know and I went to college then Uni and now have a degree and its the best thing iv done made me more confident.
Yes your right it is hard seeing other people out and you think is this really my life stuck in all the time. Is there no one who can babysit let you out for a bit?
I'm going my friends hen this weekend the first night out in nearly 2 years and its made me so happy knowing I'm going to get a night out. I still can't have alcohol and will be tired after a few hours but at least I'm getting a wee break.
Try and find things that you enjoy. Like when my DD goes to bed I take a nice bath with my book. I attend Physio every week too and even though its for my health to build me back up its still me time and exercise makes me feel good. Try listening to some music.
Hope your ok!