Hormonal problems making me question how I can make it through

[Stripedmum]

I've posted here many times. I'm 31, have a 2yo DS, 22 week DD.

After DS's birth I developed horrendous postnatal anxiety. I never took meds for it but had counselling. I never felt right again before falling pregnant (accidentally) with DD.

I've spent every day since DSs birth researching every reason for feeling the way I am. Not right, not myself and generally awful.

I've had every symptom going. It's quite frankly been like living in pure hell since he was born and looking back I don't really know how I'm still standing. About a month ago I'm sure I had some kind of breakdown too.

I'm a thousand percent sure it's hormones and my BFing affects how I'm feeling. As well as anxiety, depression, feeling mentally unwell I get headaches, nausea, dizziness.

I've gone from a confident young woman with the world at her feet to a shadow of myself who has struggled every day for the last two years to make it through.

I don't know where to turn now. I'm never going to be better am I? I literally can't believe what I've endured emotionally - the horror of it.

I'd love to hear from anyone who can sympathise with what I'm saying.

Hey there I can totally understand and can sympathise with you,

I was the same confident crazy nothing bothered me I could actually deal with anything anyone threw at me up until about 12 weeks ago and it was something stupid that triggered it off! Long story cut short my husband never had facebook he hated it then decided after years he would make one up, he's not clued up on stuff like that so I set it up on his phone but I could log in on my phone to his fb as I knew his password one night I logged on and seen he had added an ex from 19-20 year ago I unfriended it and went crazy but he denied he had! I know he was curious but i couldnt get over it And it's stemmed from there with me, I went to the doctors and they sent me to nurse for blood tests for thyroid and premenopause (I'm only 35) just to rule out anything medical first! But I think mine is hormonal too
You should go to your doc and they will be able to help,

Take care

Hi Stripedmum,

I can very much relate to your op as I am feeling similar after having dc4 who is now 5 months old. With hindsight I was the same after having dc1 and dc3 too. (I was ok after dc2 )

I am currently obsessed with the thought of skin cancer. Its so bad that I am constantly checking myself, not sleeping as the dark thoughts invade my mind, crying at the thought of leaving my babies. Its exhausting.

I have seen my GP and am being assessed for CBT next week but tbh, I think I may need meds too. I am getting worse day by day.

You are not alone x

Thank you ENorma. I've just given DD her first bottle. I'm hoping weaning will help once my body is adjusted.

I've been given a prescription for ADs. I've not felt like myself for so, so long - well since the birth of DS and now I feel I can't go on. I just want myself back.

So plan is wean and then, if needed, ADs. Are you bfing?

In amongst every weird anxiety symptom in the book I've had health anxiety like you describe. Mine 'was' a cancerous lymphoma in my armpit. Of course it wasn't but I didn't sleep or function properly for weeks. X

Poor you, Op. yes can absokutely sympathise and was floored by dc1's, utterly floored- didn't understand how it was okay that my body (and mental well-being) were ripped apart and that this was somehow acceptable or seemed so to others!

I slowly came to the realisation that births vary tremendously and that the adverse impact of a v bad one can be longterm, even lifelong - bonding, marital, physical and psychological effects. Meanwhile your similar seeming neighbour may have bounced through relatively unscathed!

Otoh, for everyone it's life changing and challenging and the shock of this made me a shadow of myself for a while also- have you read Rachel cusk's Life After Birth? V sobering but strangely reassuring read, made me feel more sane and less alone!

I also think i was more susceptible - i like my own space, am intolerant of noise and have some personal and family history of depression so postnatally mixed with all those hormones, it was kind of inevitable. Acceptance of this helped hugely with dealing with it - i also avoided ADs preferring a mixture of therapy, fish oils, diet and exercise to help me through. What works for you, op? I know you aren't taking ADs either.

Good luck, OP.

Thank you Salbertina. I find it really hard that no one talks about these things in RL. I know others have has it hard through MN - and many even going into mother and baby units etc. But it's just brushed under the carpet an it makes me feel very alone.

I seem to have found a level of tolerable stress but sometime I have a real crash and it's so scary and awful. I have now got the prescription for ADs. Plan is to wean DD over the next month and then if I'm still as bad give them a try. I might as well as I've tried everything else! Diet and exercise makes me feel more in control too and although I've been in CBT I've not been using it as I should.

A (small!) glass of wine does the trick too :-/

Thanks again. X

How are you doing, Striped?

How's weaning going? I had rather a hormonal crash straight after stopping bfing, just to warn you to be prepared in case, be kind to yourself and take or whatever you need to salve your body.

I'm the same it's terrible living in fear and constantly on edge. I'm 25 and been suffering since becoming pregnant 21 month ago. I had a horrible time whilst pregnant with house sales falling through, becoming homeless, and other things such as family members being poorly but nothing can compare to how bad I am atm.

I hope it goes away as quick as it came so I can get back to enjoying quality time with dd without worrying x