feeling like my world is caving in and i cant stop it.

[mouseymummy]

I seriously just want to scoop up my kids, leave everything and everyone, change my name and leave.

I am seriously struggling. Started a course of ads, they seemed to be working and everything was ok. For a bit.

I've still not had a payment from tax credits(gone from a joint to single)o and I'm really struggling to sort everything money wise. I only get 140 a fornight and my cb is monthly. I have to come up witg 50 quid by Friday for bills and I haven't paid 2 this week as I just can't afford them. I have 10quid, 4 quid of that is gonna go when I go to the shop as my baby needs formula.
I can't ring them as my phone line has been cut off and Ive got no credit on my mobile.

My eldest dds dad won't increase the maintenance as he "wont be able to afford his holiday" if he does. I've nor had a fucking holiday or even a night away since 1997 when I went with my parents. I can't go to the csa as I can't afford to not have the money there every week. I've asked for a tenner a week to take it to 55. I don't think that is too much tbh. It just is to me.

My sil isn't talking to me and I've no idea what I'm supposes to have done. I'm guessing my mother has said or done something that's my fault.

I really need a cig but I'm 33 wks pg with. My first boy n I know it sounds awful but I'm not sure I can love a boy. I hated my brothers and every other baby boy in the family is usual awful. I hate myself for that. I

I have tried selling stuff today to try get some money, no lick. No one wants my crap. Not even my books.

I've been crying fot the last two hours a

Pressed send too soon.

I have a head ache, no paracetamol as I have no money to get some and I'm just feeling like shite.

I don't even know what im getting Af here.

Maybe just a virtual hug to try get me to bed time.

Bumping

(((Huge hugs)))

You could maybe phone your local social work department and ask for an emergency payment they can give money for food electricity gas! (I'm in Scotland and they do it here)

They used to do a crisis loan but they don't any more. I've got enough food in for a few days but not enough baby milk. Need to go buy some... Feck.

I'll have to phone Monday... Just realised its Friday today.

You can phone the out of hours team, I'm not meaning social security I mean social work department,

Oh, sorry. I didn't realise, I shall give them a call once I've settled the baby for the night and dd1 is back home.

I hate this.. I feel like im failing my kids over and over again and I just can't stop.

Forgot to say thank you for the hugs.

Ah mousey, you will be fine Hun your probably anxious due to the money, your not letting your kids down as you love them and that's all that matters, if you want to chat I'm here

Thank you so much. Dd2 has an appt at the hospital on Monday so trying to get the cash for that.

Put loads of stuff on those fb selling sites yesterday, nothing. Not even a like. Don't have eBay so can't use that n the only person I know with an eBay account is my sil.

Tried selling all my books and dvds last night too. £3..., that's it. Could only sell 3 of my books.

Need to sort my house out as its a shit hole. I think I'm gonna stick a dvd on for dd1 and get on once dd2 is awake from her morning nap... Need motivation and not to be properly craving cigs.

It's a awful feeling when you feel your sinking but just keep thinking there is light at the end of the tunnel it may not seem it but it will get better!

You need to phone social work for money they will give you money for bus fares etc you could try putting stuff on gumtree as well

I always find when my house is a shit hole I feel shit, felt like that a few weeks ago I couldn't tell you the last time I had made a bed let alone change one!

If you have a garden let little ones out to play open your windows turn up the music and get cleaning (I know easier said than done)

How long have you been waiting for tax credits to be sorted?? I know when you go from a joint claim to single it can take a while as they check to make sure your defo single!!

I've spoken to the social services, they said they will send someone round to go through everything with me. I'm guessing that's to probably check out that Im not lying. Understandably.

Didn't think of gum tree. Hope you can do it from your phone as its the only source of internet.

Got my living room done and my kitchen is half done. My dd1 is 9 and must have picked up on my mood (not what I wanted) and is being very good with dd2 and has made both girls breakfasts and is refusing to go play out and choosing to stay in.

been waiting 4 weeks now. They said it could take upto 6 and because I did it over renewal time it might take longer so bit of a nightmare.

Feeling a little brighter. My friend is buying a guitar off me next week.

Off to see about gumtree now.

How you feeling mousey?? Hope your ok