I have never posted on any thing like this before and I am hoping that there is someone out there who has some advice for me.
I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life and I have tried different sorts of anti-depressants both from the doctor and over the counter. I have been to some counselling but I have never found anything that has worked.
I run my own business from home and I find that any sort of anti-depressant fuddles my thinking - which then has an adverse effect on our household income. I have persevered for up to a year at a time on different ones - but it has not really helped. I tend to "out think" the therapists that I have seen and then negate their advise - almost like I'm spiting myself.
I have been feeling very bad now for a while. It isn't like text book depression though - most people around me would not know there was anything wrong as I can put on a good act.
I find I don't enjoy anything though, books, TV - nothing. All I think about is that I don't want to be here anymore. I know that if I died my family would be upset but I don't feel like I add anything to anyone's life. I just feel dulled and broken.
I don't want to see my GP as this has never helped before. I have tried NLP, even to the extent where I have taught courses on it - but although I agree with the concepts of it I have a stronger more spiteful voice in my head bringing me down all the time.
Does anyone have any advise?