What is this?

[Trunktops]

Before I start I just want to say that I have never ever felt depressed in my life and I don't know whethrr this is it as yhe feeling is not familiar to me at all.

I have had the strangest feeling which is totally abnormal for me. Things have never been better in my life. I'm married to an amazing man, I have a great job, I have more money than before, things are working for me finally. In all the years before this I have been a very anxious person, filled with adrenalin, always pushing forward, always looking ahead, always striving to do better and prove myself.

Now I have the life that I struggled for I feel depressed. Totally, chemically depressed, like I cannot be bothered to eat, sleep, move, speak. I could convince myself to jump off a bridge tomorrow, but i literally cannot be bothered to get out of bed. I have lost love and appreciation for everything and everyone in my life. I feel sadness and fear and emptiness in every moment that I'm alone and it makes no sense at all to me as I have never been more loved, more supported or more successful. Feelings of shame ad embarrassment have risen up in me from nowhere and I have moments of hating myself for embarrassing things I have said and done in the past, despondent periods thinking about people I've loved who have died or feeling that the world generally is just a mess.

My husband says that He thinks deep down I feel I do not deserve happiness and so am uncomfortable with it. What do you think it is?

I am in no way an expert. But I suffer bouts of depression every year (OTOH I don't get the flu, win some, lose some and all that).

Sounds to me like you might be suffering too. I would suggest having a chat with your GP if you can, I know it seems like a massive step from where you are right now.

And take it easy. You sound like you've worked hard to get where you are and you deserve it! Don't punish yourself for feeling this way, it's not your fault and you will come out the other Sid

Side

Yes, I do think you probably have depression.
And you should see a GP.

But I think that ultimately you will not stay depressed. As I think your depression stems from boredom. You have achived what you have set out to achieve and dont know what to do next.

I would suggest voluntary work, helping others less fortunate than your self and maybe looking at the church.

Yes looking what you can change in your life to make you happy and good distractions sound wise. All the tablets and short NHS sessions of counselling later do no good if not prepared to look at own life and act sadly!

I agree re the self help things - but sometimes its a chemical thing ... absolutely nothing causing it other than that.
Relaxation exercises, good diet, rest, mild exercise etc can all help with this but you might need a bit of extra help too. Definately see Dr.

(Re the chemical cause ... some people believe that raised levels of cortisol over a period of time can in term lead to 'chemical' depression. If you have lived off your nerves to get to this point in your life then this might have happened as a result.) Just a thought.

I also think, kizzie, that boredom, or at least what I call brain boredom, can cause eventual depression too. ie the other end of the spectrum to what you posted.
Would also add, watching comedy can help to raise moods too, or at least help stop it lowering further.And not watching bad news on tv.