Self indulgent moan - life is shit etc. etc.

[LazyNamechange]

I'm having a bit of a shit time at the moment. I feel like everything's got on top of me and I don't seem to be able to do anything about it.

I am a single parent to DD (2.5), Ex is being a twat, doesn't pay me any money and starts arguments over nothing.

My house is a fucking disgrace, I just can't keep on top of it, I always intend to 'sort the house out tomorrow' but it never happens, I find even the thought of tackling the clutter and endless piles of toys exhausting.

I also feel like I'm turning into this shouty mum, which I never wanted to be. DD's such a sweet little thing, but she's got a bit of a bossy/stubborn streak which I usually cope with and find quite endearing but I keep snapping at her atm. Often because she purposefully throws food on the floor or tips her toys all over the room and refuses to tidy up afterwards.

I work from home and have fallen seriously behind, tbh I barely do anything. I'll be starting back at uni in Sept (3rd year) and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope.

I feel like I'm wasting so much of this precious time in DD's life, but I just can't seem to build up any enthusiasm to enjoy her. If I plan outings I find them stressful and end up ruining them by snapping at her.

I don't understand how this has happened, I feel like a failure.

I have horrible PTSD from giving birth which still haunts me and I think I'm just depressed in general because I realise what a mistake the relationship with my ex was. Of course I couldn't picture life without DD and I love her deeply (why is it as a mother you have to state that clearly whenever you complain about your life?)

Ahh sometimes it just feels better to get it all out there doesn't it?!

So sorry you are having a hard time of it at the moment, you sound like you are depressed and its all a bit much to cope with right now. What kind of rl support do you have around you? Coming out of a bad relationship and having a child on your own is tough so it's natural to feel down about it sometimes.

I don't have anything I can say to help you I'm afraid. I came on the mental health threads as I was feeling so down myself! I'm a carer for my dad who has dementia which is really starting to affect my own mental health. Think I need to go back on Prozac just to cope with it

I haven't spoken to a soul today ( unless you count the girl from an Indian call centre called 'Sharon' who called me to do pointless and annoying market research!)

One thing to remember tho is that life never stays the same, people come and go, circumstances change and the sun always shines again! Take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure you're a lovely mum...

On a practical point, because this is my thing - have you considered suspending your course for a year while you take stock/earn some more money/get a bit more ready for it? It's a much better option than starting the year but then realising you can't get the work done and failing assignments as a result. There are financial implications but I would speak to someone in your student advice section and discuss it. It's a good time of year to do this as they might be able to whip you out of this year before it even starts. Of course you have to make this decision but don't feel you have to just plough on. In my job (uni lecturer) we often see students who we counsel to take a year out when they have challenging personal circumstances, but who say no, no, they'll be fine, and struggle on when it might have been better to take a break.

Oh and I am in the same position on the house front. So it's not just you if that helps at all.

Oh god Doctor I couldn't do that. It'd mean being stuck here for another year, I moved to where I am now when I was pregnant to be closer to my Ex's overbearing family. My degree is my ticket out!

Scarlet My Granny had Alzheimer's, I cared for her a lot when she was still living at home and it was very hard. Especially when she turned a bit nasty, look after yourself .

Thankyou for the replies, I feel a little better just knowing that someone's heard me.

Yes knowing you are not alone always helps! I just had a good laugh at the thread about things that make you go eeewick and it really cheered me up ( lots of projectile vomiting stories and stepping on dead mice...)

urgh grim! I loved the one a while back about the kindness of strangers, had be wailing like a baby!

me*