I've hit a new low and anxiety feels back in full swing

[everythinghippie29]

Sas signed off this week due to a few different pregnancy related issues (26 weeks into what has been a difficult pregnancy) and generally feeling a bit overwhelmed. These past three days everything seems to have escalated and I've spent a great deal of tome crying hysterically, mainly confined to my room/shower as we have a lodger who is always in the house and I am too embarrassed to be seen like this.

This morning my partners DF came over to do some DIY on the nursery as pre arranged with DP, for some reason my social anxiety, which has been much better for the past 6/7months (I was previously on ads and undergoing CBT before discovering I was pregnant), flared up massively and I had a panic attack, leaving me feeling like I couldn't leave my bedroom, I couldn't/didn't want to explain why I was off work and couldn't handle even basic interaction. As such, I've been in here all day, since 9am. I had a drink but no food and haven't been to the loo, staying as quiet as a mouse so everyone thinks I'm out, now I'm trapped though as lodger will be here all night, I can only hope my partners parents leave soon as I would hate for them to see me like this/ think I'm mental.

I know this is completely insane behaviour and now I'm too embarrassed to leave the room as everyone is still here and I literally don't know how to explain this behaviour! I feel like a total fool and feel like I shouldn't be allowed near people as I am clearly a freak. My poor baby doesn't deserve this. .

Oh gosh, I am so sorry for you - I'm off sick today with anxiety but luckily am all on my own, just feel a bit embaressed as people will see I've been mucking about on facebook today and will ask why.

You are ill so there is nothing to be ashamed of. Can you just pretend that you've been asleep all day as you've not been well? Then nobody needs to know you've been hiding.

I've been posting on mumsnet trying to feel/act like a normal person and now I just feel guilty and pathetic that I can fake it online but not cope with actual real life and taking care of myself for my baby's sake. I'm a fucking mess.

When I first read your post I misread and thought it said that you had been hiding in the loo all day - that would have been a bit harder to explain! Severe constipation?

I think the first step is just ackowledging that your behaviour is due to the anxiety. you know this. So what you have to figure out is how to ease the anxiety out. Are you getting any support, beyond being signed off?

I suffer with anxiety and I'm 26 weeks pregnant.
if I were you,and you can manage to leave the room to get food/drink/a wee,my excuse on bumping into someone would simply be that I'd fallen asleep...pregnancy is exhausting...I'd grab food and go back to my room.

Have you thought about seeing your GP or going back on your meds? I am finding this pregnancy sooo much easier than my last two (unmediated) ones.

*(unmedicated)

Your baby has still got tons of time till it makes an appearance - hopefully 14 weeks or more! That is plenty of time for you to look after your health. You need to think of yourself for at least the next ten weeks, then you can move your priorities to your baby - the baby is going to come first for the rest of your and its life - so use this precious time for you!

What one thing are you going to do tomorrow to make it a better day?

ooh upthefrigginduff - glad you've got the real experience, I remember becoming pretty irrational during pregnancy and that being normal so must be magnified when you throw pregnancy hormones into the mix.

Yeh, going back to the GP tomorrow as today has actually scared me quite a lot. I know right now I should be looking after myself for my babys sake which makes me feel even more pathetic that I've not just been able to walk out and ignore the voices in my head making me feel so low and anxious.

I know how odd it looks behaviour wise! Fear of making a fool out of myself is a real trigger with my depression and anxiety. I think PILs have just left but my lodger is still sat downstairs, I hate the thought of having to see him everyday with him thinking I'm some crazy person.

I remember when my dad was mentally ill when I was younger and how awkward and uncomfortable it was dealing with some of his behaviours and now I'm exactly the same.

Thank goodness I wasn't in the toilet! That would have made things more difficult!

Thanks for kind words and help by the way.

Really glad you are going to see your GP, let us know if you need encouragement to go in the morning.

I have complete sympathy for you, just remember there are hundreds, if not thousands of people feeling exactly like you everyday in the country - so your behaviour isn't that odd at all.

What I've learned since becoming more stable is that other people really don't pay as much attention to our behaviour as we do.

If you were to go and get something to eat/drink now,your lodger probably wouldn't ask,but even if he did and you said you'd been asleep or resting,no one would question that.

Look after yourself,don't let the guilt slip in and spiral.
I'm so glad you're going to the gp...don't feel guilty if you want to go back on your meds,your baby will be fine.x

Oh and fwiw,I've been in this exact situation.

FIL came over and I couldn't bear to see him or have any interaction so I hid in the bedroom for hours...luckily we don't have a lodger so once he'd finished fixing the thingy and left I could escape!

So,I completely understand.

What time is your appointment tomorrow?

DP is home and I'm feeling a bit better now. Managed to go and pee at least.

Appointment is at 11. DP is off tomorrow so he will come with me which will help. Just gutted its come back and with such force.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Thanks again and good luck to all of you also struggling with anxiety. I hate how in retrospect my actions seem silly but at the time its so encompassing.

Good,I'm glad you're feeling a little better,try to eat something.x

Hope your appointment is going well today - thinking of you. I've got another appointment on Friday for myself.