Down in the dumps.

[mulberries]

Is my title even a phrase, I don't know... I don't know anything.

I've made a new account as last time I tried to post something like this I had a massive name change fail and felt even worse then had to name change anyway. That sentence probably isn't even a coherent sentence but it's an approximation of how I feel now.

I feel like I can't do anything. I am living in a massive mess, I've managed to make piles of things, dirty, clean and am living out of them but why can't I just pull myself together and hang them up then hoover. I have other things to do, I want to make a list and work down the list but I can't even make a list. I know I probably sound depressed but I just can't face being on tablets. I was on citralopram for 2 months but while they worked at first the negative thoughts about even being on tablets stopped them working after a while. I've tried everything. I've been to 3 lots of counselling, all different types, nothing works. I feel like I can't be helped.

This whole post is full of 'I', it feels so selfish and self centred to have a whole thread about yourself but I feel so lost and I'm hoping one of you can give me a kick and tell me to get a grip because I don't seem to be doing it myself.

I've texted the Samaritans beacuse I can't do anything stupid where my family might find me, it'd be so awful for them and they despair of me enough

I dont think it is a case of telling you to get a grip.

You do sound depressed to me. I think you have already guessed that?

Do you have some idea of what could be at the root of your problems?

I had guessed/thought that but I've no clue how to deal with it because I've tried the tablets, I've tried the counselling. Noone seems to be able to get to the root of it. The counsellors always say I haven't opened up enough and by the time we start getting somehwere my sessions end.

I hate living life like this, it's not living.

Thanks for replying by the way

But do you yourself have an idea? Something that happened in your childhood maybe?

Whatever it is seems to be consuming you.

I had a childhood which is probably seen as idyllic. MC family, everything available to me, the only sligh downside was maybe not as much time with my parents as they worked until late and I was left with a nanny. Did well in school. Didn't love it and really didn't like my school but it was ok, nothing ddreadful

Nothing traumatic. I don't understand :(

Do you feel that they loved you?
[not meaning to pry. Dont answer anything that you dont want to answer.]

Other possibilities.
Do you feel bored?
Did something happen, relationship wise?