How long have you stayed in bed?

[mrshectic]

This is my husbands 4th day solid....he has been suffering with depression for 3 yrs and is on venlaflaxine, 225mg, and Lamotragine, 300mg, daily. He recently tried going down to 150 of venlaflaxine, but then went back up.

I just don't know what to do to help, he thinks I only ever have a go at him and I'm not supportive. The problem being is I'm 36 wks pregnant with or 3rd, and my 2 boys are 5 and 6. Its having serious repercussions on my eldest s behaviour in the last 6 months anyway.

He is seeingsomeone at the mental health centre, but if I'm not here to get him up, he often doesn't go.

What do I do? He won't get up, won't let me take him to hospital....I can't cope with it anymore. We live in a2 bed maisonette and are on the verge on being repossessed due to him not working for nearly 2 years and is now not claiming benefits..I detent mention it again as he takes everything as me trying to point score.

Please help....

oh gosh, that sounds really difficult. Does he often just take himself off to bed like this? I suffer from depression and will occasionally go to bed but i can never stay there, i do know that sometimes people just stay in bed for ages. I wonder if he feels that the new baby will force him to face up to things and that he is scared. Does he make his care team aware that he is hiding away like this?

CAn you claim benefits though? I would get onto the benefits agency and make sure you are getting what you are entitled to.

I wonder if you should just leave him to it, nagging him out of bed etc may well make him worse, if you sort of get on with life without him he may well come round in his own way.

I would be inclined to let his dr know he is doing this.

I wish i could offer more advice but didnt want this to go unanswered.

Thank you for replying. Yes, he does.....but generally for one day or even if it is longer he will get up for an hour or so to try. I know that it is the baby that's worrying him, as well as losing the house and other worries. It was not a planned pregnancy, but couldn't face up to an abortion, think he blames me when he is low like this. The person he sees is great, but it really isn't intense enough for what he needs. Unfortunately they don't seem to do anything unless he's a threat to himself our someone else. He's incredibly good at putting on a front when he needs to. I would leave him, make him or break him I suppose, but I have no where to go with 2 kids and one on way and he won't. He just gets aggressive, and we end up fighting. I'm so emotionally drained, I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Sounds so, so hard mrshectic I am afraid I have no advice for you, but sending you and trying to keep the thread active as I am sure someone out there will know what to do.

Thank you for replying. Yes, he does.....but generally for one day or even if it is longer he will get up for an hour or so to try. I know that it is the baby that's worrying him, as well as losing the house and other worries. It was not a planned pregnancy, but couldn't face up to an abortion, think he blames me when he is low like this. The person he sees is great, but it really isn't intense enough for what he needs. Unfortunately they don't seem to do anything unless he's a threat to himself our someone else. He's incredibly good at putting on a front when he needs to. I would leave him, make him or break him I suppose, but I have no where to go with 2 kids and one on way and he won't. He just gets aggressive, and we end up fighting. I'm so emotionally drained, I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Sorry posted twice by mistake!

I have suffered with occasional bouts of mild depression. The temptation to stay in bed can be overwhelming. I think it's almost a regressive act, like going back to the safety of the womb. I imagine one reason he feels able to do ths is because you are there to keep things going. Could you fake some minor emergency and leave kids with him for a couple of hours? Forcing him to take responsibility for a while. It could well make him feel a little better, knowing he is still useful and needed. The longer he stays in bed the worse he will feel.

Good luck my thoughts are with you, you are totally totally amazing for having coped this far, please look after your mental health too.....

The one thing you must not do is shoulder the responsibility for his illness, it is no more your fault than it is his. You can support him but he is not allowed to get aggressive or shitty with you actually.

REgarding the debts etc, i would recommend you contact "the national debt line" as they will be able to help, that is something that you could do to help both of you. I know how stressful debt can be and it was a major factor in my breakdown but there is help out there. PM me if you want further advice on this, i think ive pretty much been through it all :( :)

Does his medication make him drowsy? Maybe a review of meds is needed. I know some are very sedating that's why he wants to sleep/stay in bed all the time.
Could you make an appt to speak to someone about benefits?
Sorry that you are in this situation.

Thank you all, I've been sorting out the attic and out with the boys so not been able to check in.

Mumblepot, I would leave him with the boys if I thought it would spur him to get up, but unfortunately this is the reason I left work on maternity 2 wks early. He would simply have days where he would stay in bed even though he was responsible for them! I'd get in from work with the house trashed and the boys still in their pj's. He'd get up to feed them and help them do something of they needed, but other than that, he'd be back in the bedroom a they were 'doing his head in'. I couldn't let him do that to them, anything could happen!

His meds don't seem to make him drowsy, most of the time he doesn't sleep well. But we are reviewing them in the next couple of wks when his doctor is back.

I did manage to get him up this afternoon, so we'll have to see how it goes tonight and this wk.

Sometimes I feel like I can't cope anymore, and I'm trying not to be dragged down into depression myself....hopefully I can keep my head above the water though.

Thank you all for replying. I'll be updating I'm sure and seeking more kind word s.

Sleep well mrs hectic.....