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Brother is talking of suicide and very dark stuff, please help.

15 replies

Clairville · 25/08/2013 06:50

I am out of my depth here. I am visiting my brother in another cou try , he is depressed, really depressed and very very angry. I am kinda scared but convincing myself it will be okay. He gets angry v quickly and is talking of killing people. ( I can't believe I am actually writing this), he was on about a list he made and how he is "going to take the scum of the earth out because they deserve it" and then do himself. We've had long convos tonight about this and he is flitting in and out of his dark side, it scares me so much, even his face takes on a weird twist when he gets angry and I don't want the conversation to keep going back to the dark side, i have been trying to talk about lighter times growing up which he has been getting into but then he flips and gets angry, not at me, but when we are talking about people and their behaviour. Keeps relaying things back to his childhood and what a bad father we had ( we didn't). He actually said he thinks he is a psychopath because he does things to the extreme. He has not always been this way but always (in my opinion) thought way too much about things. I have a week left here, he needs help but I don't know where to turn. Psychologist, psychotherapy etc. what is the difference, I need to help him but I don't know how and I am really worried and scared. He's fallen asleep now.

OP posts:
DfanjoUnchained · 25/08/2013 07:04

How old is he?

You definitely need to call someone. What country are you in? Call his dr if he has one as it sounds very worrying.

Clairville · 25/08/2013 07:17

He is 42, he is VERY resistant to doctors (part of his hatred to people is any humans reliance on drugs as he thinks its all a money making thing, he admitted that he thought a doc would drug him as his views are so severe. drug takers are the 'scum' according to him) , he is in Canada so its all paid for by the patient, not as easy as the NHS? He'd flip his lid if I called his doc about him. I know I need to do something but I think it needs to be anonymous, i just dont know who to callI've just copied a load of his contacts from his phone, thinking if I need to I might have to call one of his 'friends' , although he refers to them as aquatainces because he thinks he has no friends. I just can't snap him out of the killing thing, he keeps referring to it and its scaring me.

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DfanjoUnchained · 25/08/2013 07:38

Just found this northwestvancouver.cmha.bc.ca/node/141 Scroll down to 'Action' and there's a number. Not sure if its the right area but I just googled Canada emergency mental Heath

fusspot66 · 25/08/2013 07:47

The Vancouver link from Dfanjo looks good but I think you're almost in a 999/911 emergency situation here. Both you, he and the public are in danger. He needs to be sectioned urgently.
Sorry for your brother and youSad

Clairville · 25/08/2013 08:04

Thanks for listening, feel so alone right now.

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Clairville · 25/08/2013 08:09

He is asleep now, I will look at numbers of mental health in the city I am in. It's weird. His darkness goes as quickly as it comes, is this bi polar , I know relatively little of mental health. He will be completely normal all day but get him on the wrong subject and he turns v quickly.

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DfanjoUnchained · 29/08/2013 16:52

It sounds like bipolar or something similar but I'm no health professional. How is he op?

SnowyMouse · 29/08/2013 18:59

What about the police?

Clairville · 01/09/2013 05:19

After a few calm days and apologies (he told me he is not going to carry out his claims) he flared up slightly 3 days later but calmed down a lot quicker. However just today he got really really down, wouldn't speak to me really for most of the day. We went for picnic and he would not really engage, just one word answers to any questions. in the afternoon i asked him how he was and he finally answered that he has no interests, is burnt out and hates life. As we continued to talk about how he needs to act upon this depression and get help he got more and more down and angry. We went to the supermarket and he seemed whacked out , he was following me in a daze , I had to ask him the same question five times before he 'heard' me. It was like no-one was at home. Then he suddenly got angry and every item I suggested buying he had a problem with - it was too expensive or made by the wrong people, by this I mean he would say (apologies for any offence ) " I'm not eating that, it's made by f----ing Chinese people". , He's not racist as such, he has a bad thing to say about every social, ethnic, religious group, he only sees the bad in people and focuses on this when he is in one of his moods. It's not nice to be around and its also very sad as he admits he needs help, he said I've always been like this, why didn't someone notice when I was young and help me". He said he would go to see a professional therapist/ psych about it but the journey on public transport (no car) would stress him out too much. I'm trying to work out what kind of depression he as so I can point him in right direction as he is very quick to dismiss professional docs so if he meets one he doesn't like he will strike them all off. Don't think it's bi polar as he doesn't get high or erratic , he gets low and angry and rarely happy.

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ZipIt · 01/09/2013 09:31

OP this sounds scary and sad for you and your DB- sorry you're going through it. Does DB work? Does he have other family nearby?

Clairville · 01/09/2013 13:27

Yes he does work, of course he hates his job and colleagues. He says going to work is stressful enough which is why he won't go to see a therapist after work as he has to get the subway again and it stresses him out. This is a bit of an excuse I think as I am sure he doesn't mind using it when he is in one of his better moods to go to a pub etc. No other family nearby and I leave tomorrow. No one else here knows he is like this.

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ZipIt · 02/09/2013 20:36

Hi Clairville. Hope you're OK, and the leaving/journey back is/was OK. Must be very hard to have to leave things in those circumstances(?).

dysfunctionallynormal · 02/09/2013 22:46

hey!

ive inboxed you. reading thru this it sounds like he has more of a personality disorder type issue than a mood disorder one (tho he could have both)-esp that bit about being in a daze and not hearing you and the darkness going as quickly as it appears.
xxxxx

Clairville · 06/09/2013 10:17

Yes leaving was worrying and relieving - it was so draining to be around someone so negative but this gave me an insight into how feeling so down and hopeless feels - I could feel his sadness , it was horrible. I just kept encouraging him to see a health professional but I don't think he will. I've asked him to write down five things a day that he has enjoyed, this, at least, i thought might be manageable but I don't know if he will do it, he just said 'yes maybe'. The more I look at his behaviour I think it is mood and not personality disorder as the flying in and out of darkness appears to be his his way of trying to control himself, for instance he would sometimes apologise for his behaviour in the middle of an episode and say "but it makes me so mad", Its like he cant stop thinking negative thoughts, he is thinking deeply all the time, at home he watches movies but they are all about conspiracy theories, Activism, mind altering substances etc., nothing lighthearted. He also drinks too much - he's not an alcoholic but I noticed that when something really annoys him he seeks relief in alcohol and that makes his mood worse, the most terrible things he said were when he was under the influence, but the fact that he said those things is what worries me as he has said them before to my parents. I just don't want him to 'snap' under the influence. I am looking for steps to encourage him to seek help, even if it starts off small (hence my 5 things suggestion), he has so many self help books so its no good sending him any more. He does read them and thinks the ideas are good but just cannot act on them. Any ideas on how I can help from this distance?

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BangOn · 06/09/2013 10:28

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother, but you must, must, must call the police in your brother's country and let them know he is planning to committ murder. Lives could be lost unless you act now. He may well be sectioned but hopefully he will get the help he needs.

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