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Eating Disorders

21 replies

YesAnastasia · 14/08/2013 09:17

I have bulimia. And/or binge eating disorder. I day that because I don't always purge so I'm still fat.

I spoke to my GP who said "you don't have that, you would be thin..." honestly she did.

I'm being referred to a weight management programme but I know I need something different. Oh and a new doctor.

Any advice?

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thingamywotsita · 14/08/2013 12:11

Yes yes yes! me too! I binge far more than I purge and although I have periods of extreme exercise too I am fat. if I tell anyone I have an eating disorder I get the raised eyebrow. I've been told its just greed, and it's not bulimia as I don't do it in every meal, doctors have largely ignored it although I did have counselling. eating disorders are far more complex than just starving the body. I know how you feel

YesAnastasia · 14/08/2013 14:08

I wish I could 'catch' anorexia instead. I wouldn't mind adding an element of extreme exercise either.

It's a mental health problem much more than an 'eating' one - it's not just greed - I think it's self harm in a way.

I want to stop thinking about food, having it control my life and being my reason to do - or not do - anything. I'm utterly, utterly fed up with it and I want to be normal.

The really galling thing about the GP (who is appallingly incompetent in other areas too) is that I have never told anyone before, not even my family. I told her & that was the response.

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thingamywotsita · 14/08/2013 14:24

it's definitely a form of self harm that's how I see it. I have binges especially when I've done well, it's like I'm saying, you are worthless, you are going to eat this and feel as Shit as you are. I will eat till I am sick. or in pain. I don't even taste it really, it's not normal eating that's for sure, it's like desperately trying to feel full, but always feeling empty, because the void you are trying to fill is not your stomach, but your mind. it's awful, and so very misunderstood. there are some really good groups of over eaters anonymous. and my counsellor really got it. but I lost her as she went private, forums are good, but too many end up just tip giving. don't give up, see someone else. and write a food diary to give to the doc and write your feelings too, and give it to your gp. they can't ignore that. I've done that twice and found it much easier than saying what's been happening x

WillieWaggledagger · 14/08/2013 14:32

omg

get a new doctor, and complain about this one, that is absolutely unacceptable as a response

i have anorexia/bulimia (currently stable), went to see my GP after 10 years of disordered eating and was referred to the eating disorders service. i was surprised at how seriously they took me

i know how hard it must have been to make that initial contact and am so angry on your behalf

YesAnastasia · 14/08/2013 14:38

I never thought of it that way before - feeling full. I desperately want to feel full & have NO hunger at all but when I do, I panic like crazy & purge. I feel calm and so relieved once it's done. Better than if I hadn't eaten a thing in the first place. My self esteem is very low. God, it's messed up.

I think writing a food diary would freak me out! I'm too ashamed to write it. It's seriously disgusting. I'm going to see if there's anyone to talk to at the weight management place, you'd think they'd understand at a place like that...?

If I didn't purge, I'd be more than double my size & in serious difficulty but it's only when you get there that anyone cares. Why can't they help now while it's not life threatening?

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YesAnastasia · 14/08/2013 14:41

Thank you Willie, I'm glad someone else is appalled.

I will speak to another doctor in the practice & just ask to be referred.

How did it help you? What's being stable like? How do you control your weight?

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WillieWaggledagger · 14/08/2013 16:16

you should give yourself a massive pat on the back for going to the doctor's in the first place - it really is a big achievement in itself. which is why it's all the more awful that you got that response. the weight management programme may work to the extent that you might lose weight by responding to regular weigh-ins, but it will do very little to help your ED i suspect. and i expect you know exactly how to eat to lose weight, and the disordered eating overrides that... though as you say it may be an alternative route to getting more specialised eating disorder help, i don't know. though often in the case of EDs diet programmes are not advised, so it might be better to steer well clear

i'm only just in the early stages of therapy (cognitive analytic therapy, different to cognitive behavioural therapy) with the eating disorders service, so i don't know yet how well it will help. it seems good so far. i don't enjoy it (it makes me think and feel things that normally i would cover up with starving/bingeing behaviours), that's for sure, but i do feel pleased that i am actually trying to Do Something About It. i had two triage sessions over the phone, followed by another in person at a mental health centre in the next town. it took about six months from the initial visit to the doctor's for the formal therapy sessions to start. just to be clear, i was stable in my eating before i went to the doctor's. it obviously shouldn't be a barrier for you if you're not, it's just how it happened for me, and tbh i was surprised that they took me seriously given that i was a healthy weight and wasn't in the depths of disordered behaviour at the time iyswim (i thought they would just say 'well you're obviously fine now, now run along')

right now being stable is like walking on a knife edge - i don't trust myself not to fall off one side or the other into starving or binge/purging. i have only been stable for a year though, in comparison to over 10 years of disordered eating, so it still feels very fragile. however, my personal relationships have improved (i'm not trying to lie my way out of meals or engineer time alone to binge), and i'm happier overall. and it was my desperation not to lose this that made me go to the doctor's to sort out the mental health part

i control my weight (and eating behaviours) through low carbing as it controls my blood sugar levels well so stops the physical reactions at least. of course it's not a cure, and the element of control/restriction can be problematic in itself, though i do actually eat regularly and "normal"-sized portions which is a big change. this is what works for me personally and i wouldn't want to suggest it for anyone else with similar problems

i can't write a food diary because i'm so obsessed with being perfect that i physically can't write about any deviations - though it might still help you, i don't know? what you could do instead is just put a mark in your diary when you binge, another for when you purge, so you can demonstrate that at least, even if you can't list the actual intake

it might be worth looking at books which you can get from the library (it can be 'prescribed' by a doctor, but is available to all) the full list is here - 'overcoming binge eating' refers to bulimia a bit, as well as the one specifically for bulimia. it talks about the common reasons for disordered eating, and provides some insights and self-help strategies

another book worth trying if you haven't already is susie orbach's 'fat is a feminist issue' - some bits of it are a little dated but it has some fantastic insights and suggests some strategies

sorry for the enormous post!

YesAnastasia · 14/08/2013 23:58

No, thank you for enormous post :) I appreciate the insight.

I have the Susie Orbach in the feminist section of my bookshelf but never read it. I will now.

I've been trying new dresses on today for a party this weekend and it was sending me under because I look so hideous in everything then I was tagged in a picture looking (once again) hideous. Other people can laugh a bad picture off, I go into a massive spiral of disgust and torture. I know I need help.

In a way, It's interesting that I have 'chosen' a way to be self destructive that has minimal impact on my family. If I didn't have them I don't know what I would be doing.

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WillieWaggledagger · 15/08/2013 07:55

yes i think caitlin moran talks about food being the drug of choice for those in caring roles (typically women), as they can still fulfill their role.

sparklekitty · 15/08/2013 08:02

Um, that's the crappiest advice I've heard in a long time! At my heaviest (size 16/18) I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder and non purging bulimia (non purging meaning that I'd binge then not eat the next day)

This type of disordered eating does lead to being overweight in its nature. Your body still gets too many calories and then holds on to them as you're purging/not eating some days.

EDs aren't really about weight though anyway, they're about control, self punishment, all sorts of other under laying things that need dealing with.

Ask for a MH referral, see another doctor if I were you!

YesAnastasia · 15/08/2013 09:38

She does Willie, that bit was a revelation to me. I loved that book.

I know Sparkle, it's bad isn't it. There are so many different EDs - you can't generalise. Yes, control does play a large part. Mine has got so much worse since I became a SAHM where I have no money and very little freedom.

Also, wouldn't your way of eating be considered the 5:2? I guess when they say 'eat normally' the rest of the time, it doesn't mean my 'normal'.

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WillieWaggledagger · 15/08/2013 10:23

i have avoided 5:2 like the plague - i hide the threads on here - because when i hear people talking about how elated they feel on their fast days i get an overwhelming urge which could end up with me doing 0:7! (or 7:0 i suppose)

sparkle you are very right about it not being about weight at all.

it's just that the visual manifestation of this mental health problem can (depending on the nature of the disordered eating) be there for everyone to see in the form of higher/lower weight, and in today's world often judged based on zero understanding. though the rational part of me suspects that they're not judging half as much as i think they are! and of course it shouldn't matter what other people think anyway

MrsRBrand · 15/08/2013 10:30

I would recommend over-eaters anonymous meetings, I had a binge eating disorder for 20 years and am in recovery at the moment.
Good luck :)

Dancingqueen17 · 16/08/2013 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

layla1976 · 16/08/2013 15:59

hi... i dont know where you live but try the national centre for eating disorders ..princess diana was involved when she was alive, without them i'd be dead today...they have proper counsellors up and down the country... amazing... i still have body issues to this day but learn to control them.. i'm now slim and athletic and most of the time feel good about myself but obviously still have down days... if you need any tel numbers let me know... i swear by them.. i wish you every success in getting the help you need.. my gp told me to go away and stop being silly and my then partner went mad and got me seen by a specialist.... go by your gut instinct.. you know you need help so go get it... you deserve to be happy and healthy....good luck xxxxxxxxxxx

YesAnastasia · 17/08/2013 11:43

I'm glad you're healthy & happy now Layla, I'll look into that - thanks.

Yes, I have had so many problems with GPs, it's disgusting that they're seen as the only port of call for many people. I think the internet saves a lot of lives. How are you now Dancingqueen? Fully recovered?

I understand what you mean about eating enough to resist a binge because I do restrict too then get very hungry and kind of plan a binge & purge. TBH, I could stop purging, it's the binging I have no control over so the purging is necessary to stop me panicking and being severely depressed and disgusted over what I've done (and to stop the need to be air lifted out of my house...)

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layla1976 · 17/08/2013 17:23

try a herbal or mineral called chromium, its meant to make you not want sugary foods...also before you eat try diluting a glass of citrus juice, preferably grapefruit with water-50/50 , it lets off a chemical that makes yoy feel full...i've lots of titbit avice as i saw a dietician for 2 years...i was always chubby and so depressed and now i'm slim and its ll down to pro[per advice..aalso keep a diary as food is emotional not hunger and is a way some people like me deal with pressure....need any other advice just ask xxx

layla1976 · 17/08/2013 17:24

sorry for mistakes

Dancingqueen17 · 18/08/2013 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

layla1976 · 18/08/2013 20:46

mine was AN too , with boughts of BN, i'm so glad you're on the up and your gp is good..... every woman is beautiful in their own right and never forget that!!!! ....i've suffered on and off for 20 years but sometimes slip but each slip is never as bad as the last...i wish you a happy and healthy life ..you deserve it girl!!!!

Hope4thebest · 18/08/2013 23:00

YesAnastasia sorry that your GP was so rubbish.

I compulsively overeat, have done for probably over 20 years now - an anniversary not worth celebrating Sad. It has resulted in me being v overweight.

Glad to hear that some have found a way to cope/manage the behaviour.

I recently went to a clinic for a 'breakthrough day'. This was following years of trying various things: counsellors, hypnotherapy, group workshops, Overeaters Anon etc.

It hasn't unfortunately completely stopped the behaviour (I am always hoping for that light blub moment where I completely change my habits immediately, which I know is probably an unlikely result) but it did provide some useful insights and I feel a bit more empowered. I learnt:

  • That my issues are a combination of head/mental issues and the effect of high carb/sugary foods. It is a cycle; feel bad, reach for sugar, sugar leads to more sugar, feel even worse, reach for more food etc.
  • That exercise is really important for balancing out the effects of carby/sugary foods esp re insulin (I have PCOS)
  • Caffeine isn't my friend. It is messing with my insulin too. I have dramatically reduced my tea drinking and I do feel calmer I have to say.

The therapist suggested I try a low carb diet, low/no caffeine & ensure I exercise. I have attempted this a bit but I had my DD 7 weeks ago so haven't really managed to get into a routine but going to try this coming week. Started by going swimming this am.

Anyway, thought I'd share what I learnt should it help anyone else.

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