Recovered from puerperal psychosis, update on old (NC) thread!

[Solari]

Hello,

I didn't want to revive the old thread because it looks very triggering and insensitive to my recovered-self, especially in light of the AIBU thread about people's losses.
If anyone is curious, it is here , but please do be warned it may be very triggering!

I became quietly manic after giving birth, and began having a lot of strong delusions about death, first gentle proddings and invitations to end my life, and then full-blown hallucinations about being told life was all just a big test and illusion and everyone was in on it. No one would be hurt at all if I 'exited' so I didn't have to worry.

Luckily by that time I was already being watched by the GP (after getting a lot of very sound advice from MNers I had gone despite not thinking I needed to).

My memory gets a bit foggy as the delusion literally overwhelmed real life, but I ended up an inpatient for a couple weeks where medication brought me back down to ground with a bump. Am still on it now, but very much better and grounded.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank all those who helped me. It literally saved my life, and my children (including new baby) still have their mother.

Thank you so much!

Solari I'm so happy to hear you are recovering - well done you

Wow thanks for posting I remember the original glad to hear you are recovering well.
:) :)

I followed your thread last year. I'm so very glad that you got the help you needed. Take care

So glad you're feeling better.

How lovely to read such a positive update

Solari I'm so pleased you are well and so many best wishes to you and your family

As an aside, your original post was one of the most amazing things that I've ever read. Do you feel like you can keep the thread as brilliant writing showing progression over a time when things became out of your control, and take pride in it? It is utterly fantastic.

A colleague first told me what post puerperal psychosis was in 2008, when I asked how his wife was getting on after the baby, and I was a bit startled to hear that she was hearing things off the tv - it was the first I had heard of the condition and although I was really pleased he could say to me I think I had the idea that that was what post puerperal psychosis was, I had no idea it was more nuanced than that. Wishing you all the best.

I remember your thread, I think i may have posted under a different name.

I am so glad you got the help you needed, what a terrifying thing to go through.

Well done to you. Xx

Solari, I didn't see your thread last year but wanted to wish you well. I'm another survivor of puerperal psychosis, my "baby" is 18 now.
I've briefly glimpsed at your original thread but won't read it in full as I'm quite thankful for the memory loss that I'm left with tbh.
Wishing you and your family happy and settled times from now on.

Thank you for your well wishes, and a very special thanks to those of you who were on the original thread and helped me at that time.

It changed so suddenly I can hardly make sense of my own memories around the time.

I remember definitely that the coincidences and 'messages' I felt I was getting became more powerful and constant. I felt the commercials and programs on television were one message after another specifically for me. A passing car had the phrase "The time is now" painted on it, which I read as being for me (and in retrospect I don't even know if it was real, seems rather odd!)

I felt like animals, trees, and even objects (living room chair I'm looking at you!) were trying to communicate telepathically with me.

I also grew more suspicious of my DH, like he was testing me, or talking to me in riddles. And began to see him as something negative, and to be cautious around (no idea why!)

Most of it is very blurry and dream-like, and I ended up not even caring what happened with me in the real world (in terms of GP/hospital etc), because it was so dream-like, like a backdrop, that it was almost irrelevant. None of it really mattered.

These days, I look back on it with a fair bit of embarrassment, but also a lot of gratitude for the support both here and from those around me at home, and very grateful for coming out the other end intact.

I find reading my old thread a bit scary because I can't identify at all with what I was thinking/feeling... I remember it, but I can't actually connect to it because it feels too dangerous (and probably is). No more constant "inner voice". No more special messages. No more spooky coincidences. But normal life is just fine by me!

All of you are safe now (not that you wouldn't have necessarily been before, but you know what I mean) which is the most important thing. The brain can play tricks sometimes. It's not dangerous now.

It's amazing that you have this record of that time immortalised as such and amazing how mumsnetters helped. I'm overwhelmed! You spoke so succinctly throughout it all. I'll shut up now, just happy you and family are well.