I've decided I'm still low and anxious about stuff. My CBT and other counselling has helped...but I still feel awful. It's been a year now. I'm back at work too.
I have some old packets of sertraline that I was going to use. I'm going to half the dosages (i.e. cut up) and build up. I tried to take them last year alongside citolpram but gave up in the first few weeks because of the horrendous side effects (excessive sweating, anxiety, insomnia) but I think I have to do something otherwise I'm going to end it all. That's how bad I feel.
No one truly understands around me, they think I'm battling on but am seriously dying inside. I find it hard to articulate, I just don't feel joy..I just eat and get fatter, I look awful, feel like a crap mum who has an amazing DH who does EVERYTHING for my DC, I hide in the house most times instead of doing stuff with them. I just want to be a good person again, confident and kind of happy pre DC.
I will go and see my GP but in the meantime I'm going to start taking tomorrow as I need something now, no matter what the consequences. I hope I'll be able to function at work too. I cannot be signed off again.