i can't change the thing that is affecting me....

[snowqueenrollo]

My brain feels so muddled right now, I don't know how to organise my thoughts. I am sleep deprived, which has always made my anxiety hard to control...

My ds2 is now 6.5 months old. The day after birth he was diagnosed with a condition which meant starting treatment at 7 days old and having to continue with this until he is 5. He wears boots and a brace. Until this week we have had 3 months of this on 23 hours a day. We're now going down to just night times. It has made breastfeeding and co-sleeping more difficult, but they are my parenting choices and I have stuck with it and made it work. But he doesn't settle well at night (in our bed or his own, so we co-sleep as it is the easier of the two options)....and between DH and I we're taking turns so neither of becomes so sleep deprived we can't function physically.

I am really starting to struggle mentally. I have managed my anxiety over the years by resting properly and avoiding my triggers. Well.....my son's treatment is non-negotiable. I have said to DH on occasion over the last few months - if this was a job I was being paid to do I would have resigned by now. I feel utterly trapped by it.

I feel robbed of how I thought my life would be with this baby. I feel robbed of normal bedtime routine for the next 5 years. I am not enjoying being a mum. I am so tired that even though DS2 is a delightful baby I just don't think I'm being a good enough mum to him. I know my mood is dipping as I am avoiding socialising as I just can't face it.

I feel like I need to go to my GP....but then I don't know what he can do for me?

Do talk to your GP, there might be some support available. Congratulations on your lovely baby and so sorry you have to go through this. I hope someone can come up with a suggestion that will help you xx

Bump

Hi

There's a book by Russ Harris called The Reality Slap, it's about managing when life throws this crap at you... well, more than managing. He writes in it about his own experiences of when his son was diagnosed with autism. The type of therapeutic approach the book includes exercises on is called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and its especially good in situations like yours where really there are issues you really can't change. Mindfulness and Compassionate Mind approaches are also very useful in situations where the root causes of your suffering are here to stay. Hope you get the help you need x

Hi you say tiredness makes things worse. I breastfed my ds who had severe reflux and I remember the night wakings, changing beds in the night etc. have you spoken to your HV for reassurance or advice? Ay chance of meeting up other mums with similar issues? Your HV or children's centre may be able to signpost?

In the end for me sleep was the answer!! I used to have one lie in after I had bf!! At the weekend. Once my ds went longer with feeds I used to get my dp to take ds for a walk whilst I curled up in bed in the afternoon etc. it is hard, health issues and parenting choices. I found meeting other mums and listening to their struggles ( not reflux but others) made me realise being a mum was about good enough parenting and my high standards had to change, and to accept that I was a good enough parent. I stressed about it so much I got referred to social care who assessed me and said I was good enough! Not sure that helped me to be honest.

Hope you can get sleep, rest and out again to help lift your mood. I used anti depressants but they did not give me sleep or rest sadly due to breastfeeding. Am still bf my toddler as is my choice, but sleeping through the night made it better. Could you put your dc in a cot in your room? Would that help? I did that till 14 months old.

the breastfeeding is my saviour to be honest (i ff my first son so have experience of both), as when he is really unsettled at night I can just pop him on the boob and it calms him. The issue is the appliance he has to wear for his foot condition. Google Dobbs bar or Ponseti treatment and you will see what I am dealing with.
We initially had a sidecar cot and he slept in that for 4 nights....the other two nights that first week he was in hospital for treatment for jaundice and on the 7th he had his first cast fitted to his leg and since then has either been cast or in boots and just cannot settle at all on his own. We do get more rest co-sleeping. (many talipes parents end up doing this simply to get more sleep rather than by choice as we have)
I have stopped bothering with the HV team who seem utterly incapable of offering support that doesn't fit in with their narrow parameter of 'normal' sleeping/parenting problems. They actually make it worse by making stupid suggestions (can you go just one night without the boots? well...yes if i want to risk relapse and putting us back in treatment terms by weeks).
I live rurally and while I have found a good NCT group and a local mother and toddler session, the Surestarts are massively oversubscribed and there is currently only one other local family dealing with this. I am in touch with them but am essectially supporting them as we are three months ahead with the treatment. There is a charity which offers support for us, but to be honest they are useless

working thank you for the book suggestion, have downloaded it to my Kindle and will read it.
I think I may end up paying for private counselling as I know there is basically no NHS funding for it in my area right now.

You could ask for referral to a peri natal mental health team who could offer a community psych nurse or short term counselling on the NHS or a support worker or whatever they assess you as needing if you do not want to go private?

It is harder in rural areas. Here our sure start centre is hardly open but I know in other areas they are great! Although over subscribed you could still out your name down for groups or activities even if have to wait. Or ask your HV for a support worker perhaps from the children's centre. As you child has additional needs you could always refer to children's social care for assessment for support and that might get you further up the NHS queue for short term cbt etc?