Can someone help me please? I wonder if I am beyond help.

[mumat39]

Ok, so not sure where to start really, but I am feeling really down but the anti depressants make me feel really numb and emotionless.

I've been on them fr about 2 years. I can't sleep and mst nights I'm up until at least 2. Then I go to be and lay there waiting to fall asleep.

I have a lovely DP and two great young children.

But, I seem to suffer from a major lack of being bothered with myself. I do what I have to do for my dc, and occassionally muster up the energy to hover or dust.

I just can't cope really. I think I have always been prone to depression, but this recent bout, started when my Dd was diagnosed with multiple severe food allergies.

I am Indian and grew up eating Indian food, and was comfortable with that, but my Dd is basically pretty much allergic to all the foods I love. I have tried adapting recipes but have failed miserably each time, so now my dc eat a very limited diet. On the plus side, they don't eat any junk foods apart from chocolate and crisps, so evey cloud and all that. Buti live in fear of trying new things. My DS eats the same stuff as my Dd, but I have no idea if he has allergies. I am simply terrified that he does.

So it started with that I think. But I have always been very rubbish at clothes for myself. I live in the same few things. Hate everything I try on. Wanto be tall and slim n stead of a curvy hourglass shape. I hide in jeans and jumpers even in this heat. I asked for help on style and beauty, and the lovely people on there were great. I think I have now realised that clothes are just a symptom rather than the cause of my state.

I would love to lose weight, but can't motivate myself. I don't eat very well at all. I will scoff biscuits and drink sweet tea quite happily but I hate preparing food for me.

I think I am overweight but malnourished. I sometimes wonder if I am slowly trying to make myself ill.

I hate getting up in the morning as I am so so tired, and then spend the rest of the day feeling like a zombie.

I hate being like this and don't really like what I have become.

Can anyone help me with just getting over myself so I can lead a more happy life. One where I spring out of bed, and look forward to doing stuff especially with my family.

A the moment I can't even be bothered o change of of my pj's most days.

I could quite happily sit and sit and sit. Not much happening in my head, but still unable to get going in the day or switching off at night.

I need help for me. This isn't about my DP, my kids, or anyone else. I am how I am and I don't really want to be like this anymore.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't really have anyone to talk to, no friends and I don't like talking to my DP about it as he doesn't really understand.

I am asking on here because there are some very wise people on here. I don't like how I am, and I want to change but really cannot work out how.

Is it possible to get some oomph back ?

If you've read this far, thank you. I've been thinking about posting on here for a while, so I'm going to actually post this now before I decide it's nonsense and change my mind.

Thanks in advance.

Hi mumat39 so sorry to hear you're feeling so rubbish at the moment. I'm sure someone wise will be along. .. But wanted to let you know you're not on your own. You say you've been on ad's for 2 years - but from what you've written I'd question how effective they are for you now. Have you seen your gp recently. I would suggest that you do - once for you and also re your dds diet and possibility of any allergy testing for your ds that might alleviate worries. But I completely appreciate how hard that is when you feel so lethargic. Is there anyone in real life you can be open with about how you feel?

Be kind to yourself. You can feel better from this, take small steps. ..

Thanks colouringinqueen. I love the name by the way.

I did see my gp about a week ago and asked if I could up my dose and he agreed but I haven't noticed any difference. I was on citalopram but wasn't sleeping at all well, so he changed me to sertraline about 8 months or so ago. He did say the zombie-ness is probably a normal side effect. He also said if the sleeping doesn't improve he could give me something to help with that but didn't want to give me yet another drug.

Thanks for replying. And for reading my OP. it was very long

Xxx

Thanks mumat39 glad your gp is on the case. I guess it could take a while for the new dose to kick in. But sertraline is supposed to be v gd.

Dont worry about long op - we've all been there. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Thanks again

I'm sort of stuck in a vicious circle of being so tired but not being able to sleep. I feel so so stressed and just wrung out if that makes sense.

DP suggested a camping trip so I'm spending all my time thinking about that at the moment. I seem to go from obsessing about one thing I another.

My gp is very good. I am lucky with that I think. He has referred me for some counselling. I had a few sessions and was able to get things 'out there' but I didn't get to the bit where they help you with coping strategies. The go suggested CBT would do this but my sessions finished before we to to that bit. So I'm being referred back but sort of have to start again.

Thanks again. And hope you're having a good weekend.

When you do you take the Sertraline - and is your GP aware you're not sleeping? That makes everything much harder I know. Glad to hear your GP is good tho - that makes a big difference in my experience. I know lots of people have found CBT helpful - inc my DH so hope you don't have to wait too long.

Camping trip sounds like a nice distraction and a break from the day to day stuff too.

Hope your weekend's been ok. Good here, but knackered!

Hi colouringinqueen.

Thanks so much for chatting to me. It leaps sometimes just to tell someone if that makes sense.

It's good to hear that your DH had a good experience with CBT. I'm hoping the appointment will come through after my dc are back at school and nursery.

We've had a busy weekend too, just getting ready as we go camping tomorrow. Eek! Hopefully we'll be fine. It's our first trip so not sure what to expect but hopefully it'll stay dry. You're right, it has been a good distraction. I am actually for the first time in ages looking forward to doing something. It's funny as I had never thought of myself as the camping sort and I still might not be but it's good to have something to look forward to, if that makes sense.

Anyway, hope you've had a nice chilled Sunday evening, and that you have a great week.

Take care
Xxx

Leaps??? I meant helps!

Getting stuff out here helps a lot. I post on a v supportive thread currently with fete in the title. You'd be very welcome to join in. Cbt age term stats sounds like a v gd plan. I'm also reading a book about mindfulness which is helpful.

Really interesting about your camping - we went on our first camping trip as a family 10 days ago! Just one night. But it was great, everybody loved it. Just need to buy good self inflating sleeping mat for me and we're sorted (it was me dh and 2dcs). It was a v simple campsite, the kids just ran around barefoot and that was really lovely to see, simple pleasures iykwim.

Is also brilliant that you're looking forward to it. Took me ages before I looked forward to anything.

Anyhow must try and detach dcs from their tv break. ..

Take care

Or maybe cbt after term starts. Phones...