Post natal depression

[whatsinthebagangelos]

Hi everyone

I will thank you in advance for reading this as its going to be long, I just need to write it all down and 'see' it if that makes sense.

My DD was born by emcs following a long labour where I was induced due to meconium. I was very calm afterwards which I realise now masked total shock. Couldn't hold baby for sometime afterwards due to intense shaking from the spinal. Dh was amazing during the birth and has been since.

Baby wouldn't breastfeed, hysterical screaming each time I put her to my breast. I had no sleep in hospital for 4 days as trying to feed. In the end decided to express which was much better all round however although relieved I could now feed her, I felt very rejected.

Once home I managed to re establish bf which I was pleased about, however baby developed severe colic and reflux. Did not enjoy cuddles, slept badly, very unsettled and miserable baby. I became more and more tearful and felt like a hopeless parent, she only wanted her dad, not me. Some days I couldn't even look at her, her cry went right through me. I regretted having her yet felt tremendous guilt.

This continued for several weeks. I managed to tell my HV at 6 weeks that I felt not right. I saw a fab GP, very supportive but I was reluctant to go on medication. Agreed to manage it by getting to groups etc and not isolating myself.

Fast forward to now where I have felt much better, made some lovely friends etc. I love my baby but still feel very mixed towards her. One minute she makes me laugh the next I feel impatient, she still has reflux which means constant cleaning sick. I know it's not her fault

One day I feel fine, the next, that I'm a terrible inattentive parent and she deserves so much more. I find myself talking negatively about her and I don't know why, again I feel terrible. I worry about my bond with her. I don't feel that I could have any more children.

Is this normal to 'relapse' after several months if feeling much better? Should I go back to my GP? guess I'm scared of ADs and feeling out of control.

I would be really interested in others experiences and any support you could offer me, thank you in advance.

Hi. If your child has reflux that is so exhausting, as my dc had that. Constant feeding and changing and so much washing on top of exhausting motherhood. Have you spoken to your HV about the reflux, as sometimes different milks can help.

Is there anything practically that could help? Medication etc is an option but if you are exhausted and that is affecting your mood perhaps that is something to look at. I got to the point when my ds was 5 mths old and I needed to be told it was ok not to do the non essential tasks and to try to get some sleep in the day or to ask my dp for more help.

Always worth talking to your HV and gp for support and ideas.

Hi hoop and thank you.

Re reflux HV have always just said it will improve as she gets older etc but she is almost 7m and on solids so don't think it will improve on its own. However
I have just today found some gaviscon sachets that I abandoned in the early days as they didn't help, but having put them in her bottles this time around I have noticed a big difference, am praying its not a coincidence as I really need this to stop, like you say it is exhausting awaiting the next eruption of vomit and the ensuing process of changing, wiping and cleaning carpets as well as piles of washing.

Hi I was prescribed gaviscon sachets and they did help. It does get better as they eat more so,ids but it does not mean it is not hell until it goes!! It was only at my 12 month review with my HV and she told me how happy my ds was and how hard it had been for me that anyone actually told me Hiw much harder it had been for me. To cut a long story short we eventually got referral to a paed and discovered an allergy to CMPI and other food allergies!!

What milk do you use? I breastfed but it got worse when I introduced cows milk into diet! So got told to cut dairy out of my diet and got dairy free milk on prescription. Why not ask your go for a referral to a paed if reflux on going? We got medicine, gaviscon and eventually special formula on prescription!

You are right, reflux is exhausting. The extra work and also an unhappy child!!

I am a great believer in trying to sort out the problems that are adding to low mood etc as it is amazing how much can help our mental health.

I agree with sorting issues contributing to low mood. Am keeping everything crossed that the reflux can be improved. Thank you for info in allergies i will def bear that in mind fir future. I just feel so hopeless a lot of the time and terribly guilty for not being patient with her. There is something about her crying being unsettled which really agitates me and I struggle to identify why that might be. My own mum was never that good when we were ill as children so I'm wondering if on some level I transfer those feelings. I don't know.

Thanks for your support hoops.

I don't think you've relapsed, I think you haven't had great support for PND and as it goes up and down you are still struggling. It makes me so cross that medication is all that ever seems to be on offer. It has its place but where is the psychosocial support, the PND specific group, the CBT or interpersonal therapy or advice on promising other therapies like phototherapy etc?

I'd really recommend looking into support groups and therapy with available childcare. You need to get this sorted. Go back to your GP. Get assessed for the level of depression too... for mild to moderate, psychotherapy is a valid option and pressure them to make it accessible if you have childcare issues. Women shouldn't have to suffer alone and medication is only ever part of the answer so even if you decide it is right for you, there is more that needs to happen to support you at this time.

Hi. Oh so totally agree with how distressing the cries and pains of a reflux baby are. It honestly was not til my ds' reflux went that I realised how hard, emotionally draining it was. Try and know it is normal. I joined a reflux group on Facebook that someone suggested from the allergies board and just reading all bout other mums experiences made me feel that it was not me, not me being a bad mum, but my child struggling. I also did a free baby massage course at my local children's centre which helped... Yes he screamed through half of them but useful to know what he liked!!

Yes your gp may be able to refer you for short term cbt or counselling or if the gp thinks you are severely ill to the peri natal mental health team for assessment and possible support through different agencies including psychology, mental health nurses or social care staff. But not every area has this support. Your gp or health visitor can signpost you to what is available, such as parenting groups, a free home start visitor etc. try and think about what intervention you want or would help, and see if it is available. Mostly it is medication as pnd is a hormonal problem that is treated that way, risk assessment and intervention if it is felt needed. Sadly all the counselling in the world will not change sleeplessness, endless laundry issues etc, but will get you to look at what you can change, hence I suggested seeing how you can view the reflux problem (more medical help, hope weaning onto solids improves things and if not referral to a paed for more medication or allergy testing if needed).

Are you returning to work? I did at 10 months old. Part-time and found that balance back in my life helped. For me I can enjoy my child more because I am not there all the time. Going to mum ad baby groups made me realise most mums do this and it is normal!! I found realising it is tough and that is normal strangely liberating.

Thanks all for your replies.

I agree that I probably need to see my GP again, to be fair I was offered to go to a pnd group but couldn't quite accept that that's what it was and was generally pretty together, most people would not realise. Maybe in retrospect I should see the GP again and look at my options again.

Tried to talk to dh again last night but bless him he can't comprehend it although he does try. I still struggle to talk to people in rl about everything as I feel like they look at me and dd and think "but why?"

Thanks for all the responses you have given me things to think about.

Many women at PND groups are considered totally together by outsiders. The idea women with PND are jibbering catatonic wrecks, wild eyed and with matted hair is stereotypical and not representative of many women. I had severe PND on the professional's rating scales and was really in a bad way but if I gave you access to my Facebook pictures you would think I was basking in a glow of postnatal bliss.

I don't think it's been proven that PND is hormonal Hoophopes and most of what I've read (and I just read to understand everything as a coping thing so I have read an awful lot this last year) says medication is rarely if ever the only answer. It's just cheaper. The NICE guidelines for antenatal and postnatal mental health would be very pro-therapies and in general for mild to moderate depression antidepressants are sadly rarely much more use than placebos. I think it's the fastest and most accessible means of beginning the road to wellness but I would strongly advised any woman with PND against expecting medication to be a miracle cure in the absence of therapeutic support.

Working no it is not always hormonal and agree guidelines say to use short term talking therapies before medication. It is the post partum psychosis that is treated with medication due to hormonal issues and not other ones. Sorry.

A pnd group can be useful for peer support if you have been offered one why not give it a try? Or ask for referral to the peri natal mental health team for assessment and medication if you would rather that than a gp suggest medication?