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Mental health

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Original poster

Embarrassed about postnatal depression

23 replies

Finneysmummy · 07/08/2013 22:06

I have been feeling like I have postnatal depression for a couple of months now. It's only getting worse but I can't manage to tell anyone. I tried to talk to a health visitor but was scared to say how I really felt so she just said I was fine. I don't know how to tell someone how I'm feeling. I feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 07/08/2013 22:12

PND is an illness, and you should definitely see your doctor. There's absolutely no reason to be embarrassed, doctors see and hear it all, every day. PND and other types of depression are really, really common.

When I had PND it was my mum and my sister I told first and they helped me to see the doctor. Do you have a mum or good friend who could be a support? Don't suffer any more. You can and will get better xx

cupcake78 · 07/08/2013 22:14

Nothing at all to be embarrassed about! I have PND and did with my last dc as well. I hid it with my last pregnancy and it went in for years. This time I was watching for it. Dd only 5 weeks and I'm already in meds for it.

You have done nothing wrong and it just happens to the best of us . 10-20 percent to be exact that's at least 1 in 10 pregnancies. Your normal so why suffer more than you have to?

RuckAndRoll · 08/08/2013 05:42

My ds is only 11 days old and I've been diagnosed with pnd after asking for help about 30wks pregnant. I was advised to write down s few things. I just said 'I'm struggling' and gave the mw the bit of paper.

If your hv isn't supportive, maybe try your gp? It's hard asking for help, takes s lot of courage even recognising a problem, well done.

Original poster

Finneysmummy · 08/08/2013 21:01

Thanks for your support. It's so nice to be able to talk to people about it. I'm going to try and talk to my mum tomorrow but have no idea what to say

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Ragusa · 08/08/2013 21:34

Please don't be embarrassed - it is not your fault at all, and can be really succesfully treated. Could your DP or mum go to the GP with you?

You could also contact the Association of Postnatsl Illness (APNI) for advice or look at their website:

www.apni.org

Keep posting. SO many people on here, including me, have been where you are and have come out of the other side.

Earthworms · 08/08/2013 21:42

Don't be embarrassed, it's so commonplace.

I had a terrible time with it, but now I'm in a better place I can view it as a badge of pride. It's normal, it happens to so many of us, and I got through it, with the help of medication, a fab counsellor and my amazing now- toddler.

( actually, for terrible, read living hell, but, truly I got through it and life seems so, so bright now)

You WILL get through. But seriously get help, you wouldn't assume you could just muddle through with a broken leg. This is so much more complex. Do not be ashamed. Please.

Shellyflower · 08/08/2013 22:47

There is absolutely no reason for feeling embarrassed about having PND. Just because there's no physical signs of the illness doesn't mean it's insignificant. You've taken the first positive step in getting help by posting on here which is a credit to you.
I suffered with all 3 of my children, the first being the worst because I didn't realise and just thought I was a bad mother for not being blissfully happy with my new baby.
I found it helpful to talk to other mums who had experienced it - they were sympathetic and listened to me.
Knowing that you're not alone helps.
I hope you get the support you need and keep chatting on here - it's fab! Big hug x

NothingsLeft · 08/08/2013 23:00

I had hideous PND and eventually went to my GP who was lovely about it and supported me through it. I was assigned a special HV that would come to my house to chat. I had some CBT which helped. It was a terrible time and i was gutted it happened but then one day realised it had gone.

I tell everyone and anyone about it as there is nothing wrong in having a mental illness. Being open about it normalises it. I've been surprised by how many people have gone on to say they developed it too.

Original poster

Finneysmummy · 09/08/2013 23:02

Thanks for your replies. I am actually not as scared to tell my gp as I am my partner. I have never felt like this with him I don't know why I feel I can't talk to him about it.
I think I'm embarrassed people will think I can't cope. I don't think I can't cope I just feel sad. Really sad a lot of the time. Has anyone else felt like this? I can't really describe it at all. I'm worried the doctor won't understand because I can't explain how I'm feeling

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working9while5 · 10/08/2013 00:05

Hi, remember 1 in 10 GP visits are for anxiety or depression. The shame is part of it too, it's actually one of the features. 1 in 7 women have PND. Being really sad can make it harder to feel like you're coping and can make many women worry they're not coping or will be judged as not coping but that really won't be what the GP thinks. Be honest though about the Times it is hard to cope, the shame you feel about it is just your 'black dog' of depression undermining you. Sometimes it just is hard to cope when you feel like you're wading through treacle. You may be doing everything an then some for your child and partner but find it hard, say to cope with managing to give yourself proper self care. This is okay to admit, honest. You don't need to put a spin on it or a brave face. Just tell it how it is and this will help to get you the support you need.

NothingsLeft · 10/08/2013 14:19

Have you looked at the Edinburgh Post Natal Depression scale. The HV or GP will ask you to complete it. I just went to the GP saying I scored 22 and she referred me straight away for CBT & the special HV.

Admitting it to DH was the difficult bit and he wasn't very understanding initially but got it eventually. The Royal college of psychiatrists has some good info on it & I got him to read it. Honestly, you will feel much better once it's out there in the open. Depression is very difficult to explain, particularly when you are ill because your brain isn't functioning properly.

NothingsLeft · 10/08/2013 14:23

Just looked for it and it was the Mind info that was most helpful.

Original poster

Finneysmummy · 10/08/2013 21:54

I just did the post natal depression scale and got a score of 17 so I guess I really need to get this sorted.
How did you all approach Dh? I have no idea what to say

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Original poster

Finneysmummy · 10/08/2013 21:59

And what's is cbt?

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kalidasa · 10/08/2013 22:41

Could you show your DH this thread finneysmummy? Or else one of the websites that describe PND? I had very bad PND, getting better now but not yet fully recovered. Like you I didn't feel that I couldn't cope practically, I was just very very low. I didn't enjoy anything at all, I felt frightened and angry all the time, I was worried that I didn't love my baby and didn't enjoy anything about him (although I was very concerned for him it was all about anxiety/concern, no pleasure). At my worse I also had very intrusive thoughts about harming myself and felt that my DH and my baby would do better without me - I remember scoring horribly highly on that Edinburgh test thing, like you that was what made me see the GP. I also felt hugely ashamed about all of this and so worried that it would damage my baby.

I can't take antidepressants so was supported instead with therapy (mother+baby therapy) and also sessions with a psychologist at my local children's centre (these were just for me). CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy which is an approach quite often used for PND - you can google it for an idea about how it works. Also important for me was cutting down on the nights - my GP insisted that I shouldn't do two in a row so DH and I alternated - getting some time to myself, and getting some exercise (swimming). My baby is 8.5 months now and I'm still seeing both the therapist and the pscyhologist, but less frequently now.

DH and I both knew in advance that I was at a higher risk for PND (because I have been depressed before, but mostly because I had a terrible and traumatic pregnancy with severe illness all the way through), so that helped us to talk about it, but even so I found it very difficult to admit to him how bad I felt, I think that is really normal.

Original poster

Finneysmummy · 11/08/2013 21:26

I saw my mum today and I couldn't manage to tell her.
I don't think I could show this to dh.

I think I'm gonna have to go to the gp first to make myself admit it to my partner.

OP posts:

Saffyz · 12/08/2013 01:16

That sounds a good idea. See the GP as soon as you can, and just say "From the way I'm feeling, I think I may have PND". The GP will know how to take it from there as they see people in your situation all the time. This is a really common problem, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and it is treatable. Once you have a diagnosis and a plan for how to take the first steps to your recovery, then if you haven't already, you can tell your family what you're going to be doing, and ask for their support.

CarrotsAndApples · 12/08/2013 03:35

Hi, sorry you are feeling sad. How old is your little one?

Please think about seeing your GP. I have worried about PND for years (2 children) and only very recently saw my GP, thanks to the support of MN. I wrote down my feelings and questions on a piece of paper as I knew I would cry. It was a very difficult step to take but my GP was sympathetic and lovely. She sat quietly and read my piece of paper, then asked me some questions - it felt like a relief to tell someone.

I have not yet told anyone else in real life - including my DH - as I am finding it hard to admit to, and feel upset about that. So I sympathise. Good luck, there is help out there.

kalidasa · 12/08/2013 14:26

Yes definitely see the GP OP. Mine was really nice and actually thanked me for coming to see her about it as it is so important that it is tackled before it all gets too entrenched.

Original poster

Finneysmummy · 13/08/2013 20:35

Thanks for all your help. I have been to the gp who was really nice and am now on antidepressants.
I have also told dh now so I'm feeling relieved

Thanks for everyone who posted I couldn't have done it without you .

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TheOneAndOnlyAlpha · 13/08/2013 20:42

I hope you are feeling better. There is always support here. I've got it too - on and off after ds was born 2 years ago - and I find it really hard to talk to dh or friends for fear of boring them or making them feel awkward. I went to gp first before telling anyone. Feel free to pm if you want a chat/vent/moan. Writing things down is part of my therapy.

Saffyz · 13/08/2013 21:00

So glad to hear the GP was helpful. Hope you are feeling better soon.

CarrotsAndApples · 14/08/2013 11:36

Well done OP. Hope you keep on feeling better.

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