think i might have an eating disorder

[CastroIsDead]

just want to write this down really but any advice is appreciated. im 5'2" and weigh 6.5 stone i know im underweight and likely to lose more because i hardly eat. i dont calorie count but i think about food quite often. i go to bed hungry i know i should eat but sometimes just can't be bothered. i feel guilty for not eating rather than guilty for having too much like an anorexic would. i divide my food into mouthsized pieces and challenge myself to eat more when i do eat. i know its not healthy but i can't tell anyone in rl.
people comment on my weight alot.
have had the same problems in the past i knew i was underweight but didn't realise how badly, i can't look at the photos from then because i look so disgustingly skinny. at the time i thought i looked ok.
i don't want to end up like that again.

not sure if I've posted this in the right place

last time i was at the doctors the nurse asked me if I've ever had an eating disorder because im underwight but i just said no. i don't think i can admit this to anyone. people think im strong although i have mentioned to friends about the previous time i was really bad, when i was drunk it all came out that i was hurt that nobody helped me even though i was obviously ill.
im not trying to lose weight i don't want to look disgusting again but its like a little part of me is trying to sabotage that if that makes sense.
when im stressed i lose my appetite and its just carried on from the most recent difficult time

thankyou x will look at the link

Hi Castrols

I used to be anorexic and I think it will always be with me to some extent. Like you I totally lose my appetite when I am under stress, and we have had a very stressful few months when I had to be very careful about my weight. Do you have children? I find mine a good incentive to eat well, I want to do my best for them and I need to be healthy to do so, therefore I need to eat.

Do you have a counsellor or therapist you can talk to? It is very hard to do this on your own, try and get some support. The fact that you can see you're in trouble is a good thing. You will overcome it, but you need to get some help.

Same here, in the past and it's always an option to use as a coping method, like a consolation to be able to control one thing in life. Can you channel it into taking control of your health and looking at your nutritional intake, make sure you get everything you need every day? From food, not just supplements. No-one else will take care of this for you, you need to look after yourself in this very practical way. But the need to be cared for is basically emotional, don't you think? You can get help and feel cared for in that way. Would you go to counselling? It is very hard for friends to know what to say to an underweight woman, most anorexics deny it and resent the subject being raised or think their friends are jealous of their thinness! Good luck.