wish i hadnt but i have

[xtinamummy27]

Today I self-harmed. Its been months since the last time, but ive been really struggling the last few days. dp went out of the house to take our children to the park and i felt so low. next thing i know im in the bathroom bleeding from the cuts in my leg. it wasnt bad enough to need stitches and it stopped bleeding fairly quickly, but the act itself made me feel better which is totally stupid!!! im so ashamed. I think it might be the stress of waiting for my referral to cmht to come through. I feel like iv finally after years of problems bit the bullet and told my gp about everything and nothings being done. everyday that i wait for this stupid referral letter i feel worse.

Hi
I've no advice but just wanted to respond. It's great you have been to the GP. I'm sorry for are feeling so low. Is anything in particular hapening at the moment that is stressing you/making you unhappy? Or are old things haunting you?

Hi thanx for the reply,
I didnt have the greatest of times growing up so i think that has caused much of my problems. i have been treated by my GP for depression many times since i was 14 but never been truly honest with him about everything till now. he has told me he thinks I have bipolar or possibly bpd but i have been referred to cmht for assessment/treatment its kind of a relief but at the same time my anxiety has grown coz i dont know what to expect or what will happen after. my big fear is that after years of not coping iv finally asked for help but what if i dont get it? part of me wishes id just not bothered.

Well if you didn't have the greatest of times growing up you are probably programmed to feel that there is no real help or support for you and that you are trying not to get hopeful after having your hopes dashed many times before by whoever the adults were in your life. Like a baby crying and nobody comes - they get used to it and stop crying. You are raising your hopes again and that's causing you anxiety - but I'm sure you don't want to continue the way you are either.

Everybody fears change, and fears the unknown. I suppose also there is a fear that the help mightn't work. But you are on the right road. You just have to keep telling yourself that. And if you are not in a good place now, what have you got to lose?

Don't worry about labels such as BPD or bi polar. Is the anxiety very very bad?

Hi. Can you see it as a blip and move on? I was told that CMHT's are used to people sh and do not worry they often do not react how you may fear. I was told they do not react because they do not encourage people to sh to prevent them doing to for extra help or attention. Also often sh is nt the issue but the emotions behind it. Also to make one take responsibility for it.

Your referral will take through. If you think about it like any physical illness, if you were waiting for refeerral for any physical consultation the referral will take many weeks and could take up to 16. So I doubt that it will be that long, but it is an illness and it is the NhS. CMHT's have a weekly meeting to discuss referrals where they decide what to do and then send letters out so depending on when your referral went and when the meeting was, typing a letter and post it will be at least 3 weeks.

Each area's CMHT works differently but they usually will:
Assess you and perhaps get you an appointment with a psychiatrist as they are the only professional with ability to diagnose. If bpd diagnosed some areas have different teams for personality disorders and CMHT's do not treat them so you may be moved but it can take some time to get the diagnosis.
You may be taken on by the CMHT for a period of time. You will be allocated a care co-ordination who will be a nurse, social worker or an Occupational Therapist. They deal with paper work, risk assessments, may see you from once a week to once a month.

Hi sorry on phone, bad typing!!

No need to fear a CMHT but also try not to think of them as fixing things. They do diagnosis, care plans, medications and support for those that need it but they aim to get people to manage and take responsibility for their own recovery. So it is worth thinking what you would like from them and expect to get it. If they cannot offer it they may be able to sign post somewhere that can. If you have bpd diagnosed the treatment that is seen as best is group DBT which is about 30 sessions long. Can be a waiting list for it as groups are small and not everywhere offers it etc but worth an ask. For example. Also they can refer you to a crisis team directly if you feel you need it's which can help at times.

thanx for the support, I am not looking at this referral as some kind of cure or fix to my problems, in fact im not sure yet just how much i can be helped. what is really bothering me is the waiting. It was very trauatic finally admitting to my GP the exact extent of my problems and the longer it takes for my referral to come through, the more anxious about it i get. I keep questioning whether iv done the right thing, should i have just carried on and not made a fuss? on a more positive note today has been much better. I have stopped beating myself up about having the "blip" and im just going to take each day as it comes.

Hi sorry the waiting is stressful. For what it is worth my baby son had a health issue which I found stressful and the 16 week wait for a paediatrician appointment was very hard for me too. Guess what I am trying to say is it can be normal to feel stressed and anxious when waiting for a referral and a date.

I have stopped beating myself up about having the "blip" and im just going to take each day as it comes. This is great.

Bold fail!

stressed again, had to chase up my referral yesterday and found out that the psychiatrist had referred me back to my gp without an assessment or meeting or even seeing my full medical history. my gp is very angry. quote "if I didnt think you needed referring to mental health, I wouldnt have done it!!" he said he's gonna ring and give them hell on monday. Just so mad that someone can make a decision on whether i deserve help or not based on a piece of paper!
Rant over, just hope my gp manages to sort it monday coz this is just prolonging everything. Already disappointed with services and i havent even used them yet! Not exactly helping my anxiety/intrusive thoughts.

Hi. Maybe he referred to the wrong place? Only an idea as mental health teams vary from place to place. Where I live all referrals do not to to a CMHT but to their pathfinder service which fast tracks all referrals and sees people to assess and offer treatment or refer to appropriate place. The CMHT team here only deals with people with certain diagnosis such as psychosis, schizophrenia etc, other teams deal with other areas including the IAPT system. Perhaps that is what happened for you?

Gp can refer you for help thought the governments IAPT system which does not involve a community mental health team but if he wants you to see a psychiatrist for assessment then a referral to a psychiatrist should not be sent back. Frustrating systems in the NHS we have!!

yes he wanted me to see a psychiatrist, I have worked on the other side of the NHS and understand the bureaucracy of it. sometimes referrals are sent back first time automatically and that way a percentage wont be chased up which saves money in the long run. Unfortunately for them I have worked in places that do this and im not going to go away without kicking up a fuss

It is indeed a nightmare. Well if referral was to a psychiatrist then hopefully you will get an appointment. For some reason they seem to be really busy ... I was too of the cancellation kist but still had to wait 16 weeks. For me a waste of time as got told to choose what medication I wanted, grrr!!! Hope you get a better one!!

thanx HoopHopes for the solidarity, It just pains me that you get told to seek help for these kids of issues and yet dont get the help when you are finally able to admit you need it!! my GP is fighting my corner so that makes me feel a little better. on another note, had some seriously dark thoughts today, suicide/self harm etc, luckily im able to be very open with my dp and he has been helping me deal with it. scared to be alone though, the urges get so strong sometimes that its hard to keep resisting. I see images in my head of me pressing a knife to my wrist or hanging myself. god i sound completely barmy!! I hate this

The psych told me such thoughts were more normal than people admit and she was not worried about them, it was my Brian's way of keeping me safe she said!!