Hi Alice
I came by your post by shere accident. I am actually trying to sell some baby goods that I no longer need! So what in gods name took me to your post I can only think was karma.
But i was so touched by it and it hit such a deep cord in me that i wanted to reply.
You see I too grew up with an alcohol abusive (both physical and mental) mother. And the teachers I had in primary shool actually made it worse!! So I guess i recognised, empathised with, all of what you wrote.
Your question "does the pain ever go?" Well I can only comment from my perspective and situation, so please ignore or disregard as you want. I am no therapist or philosopher. And my answer is yes and no. Not too helpful I suspect but the truth nonetheless. Yes it does for a while, sometimes quite a while. But then something will happen or someone will say something or i will see something that brings it all right back. What I can say is that I deal with it better. Most of the time. I do not let it control me any more the way it used to. And it has taken a long long time to arrive at this point.
What you experienced as a child was hard and tough and painful. But it made you what you are. And that includes all the good stuff too!! But dealing with it can be overwhelming and unbearably painful as you say. However not dealing with it can be more damaging in my opinion. I would make two recommendations.
Get help, specialist help. I was lucky enough to find a great counsellor. And I spent 2 years seeing her every week or so. She was a life saver at a time when I was going through so much agony and self hate. And she helped me find a way to deal with the pain and distress I had lived with for so long. So I would strongly recommend that you try this. Either ask your GP to recommend someone who specialises in this type of trauma or look at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherpy to find a practioner near you. And make sure you find one who you feel comfortable with and can talk freely too. It may not be the first one. Shop around!!!
Secondly I would also recommend some meditation, specifically mindfullness meditation. In short it is about living in the moment. Just leting your mind and body feel. So when those painful feelings are present you sit with them and see what exactly they do for you, good or bad. Dont push them away but dont analyse or question or refuse them. Just sit with them until they pass. Or you can say ok enough for now, and move on without carrying it all with you permanently. Its takes some time to get to grips with but it does help when a wave of overwhelming sadness or bleakness descends.
I know this is a long winded and not particularly helpful post but the truth is there is no simple fix. You cannot wipe out the past or change it or make it better. It happened and you can only try to find a way to manage it and work with it so that it does not become your jailer or tormentor.
I do think there is a way but it will take some work Alice. And there will be many tears and heartache along the way but it can be worth it if you hang in there and trust yourself, look after yourself and be kind to the lost child that is hiding inside.
Good luck and take care, and if you do want to talk or ask anything I am around 