I'm so lonely - how do I meet new people??

[thechocolatemonster]

Very boring and self centred rant - but I'd REALLY appreciate some input...

DD is now 2 and a half. DS is nearly 10 months old. Made good friends when DD was born - most of them have moved away and we see each other from time to time. When I was pregnant with DS I didn't do an NCT refresher course and didn't meet any new people with children of the same age.

Work from home part time and feel totally friendless. Finding it really impossible to meet other Mums at DD's nursery - v cliquey and despite desperate attempts just can't break into the clique.

Despite my best attempts to make new friends I'm fnding it IMPOSSIBLE. I'm not naturally outgoing by nature by at the moment I feel super low about the whole thing. Picking DD up from nursery at 3.15 today but dreading the prospect as nobody talks to me and makes me feel even lower!

End of self-centred rant. ANY SUGGESTIONS would be very welcome.
Jess

Do you go to any Mother and Toddler groups when you're not working? Or see if there are any Mumsnet meetups in your area?

Do you smile at them when entering nursery or put your head down? Have you asked one or two of them over for playdate and coffee & biscuits, thats how it all usually starts.

Approximately where are you Choccimonster

I've just started going to a music class with DD and DS. Beginning to smile at a few other Mums - but it's a slow process - people back off if you're overfriendly too quickly. You look desperate - which is what I am!

I live in SW London.

With the other Mums at nursery - at first I was too busy to stop and chat and had to rush back to work.

Now that my daughter's been there for a term and a half all the other Mums seemed to have grouped up. I feel like I've missed the boat.

Every day I go there with the aim of chatting to at least one other Mum. But it's always in passing. And the other Mums are so matey with each other it's like they hardly notice me!

People find you a little more approachable if you have a smile on your face. I have got a mum that comes to the Nursery but she never initiates a hello or smiles, she just keeps her head down. Quite offputting for an onlooker.

Could you ask to stay and help at nursery and get to know some of DDs little friends - might make it easier to invite them over to play. It also gives you something to talk to other mums about - "Oh your wee Amy was really cute today when she did XYZ". If not, why not ask a nursery worker if you could halp out at fundraising events or parents days. Even handing out cups of tea would get your face known.

Good luck

chat to the children before the mother

lavish compliments over the child and then slip in an invite to coffee at your house, the park, local soft play area or whatever

smile all the time!

They simply need to catch up on your life. They know all about each others now. I think it is exciting (call me potty) when you get a new face to chat with cos there are new things to talk about. Make it known that you are no longer working and it was difficult when you dropped off to chat with them and that hopefully you will get round to organising a playdate with one or two of them. You will soon get the invites back. There are always one or two who you never get an invite from.

Some good tips Nailpolish - have these worked for you?

Do it today chocci and let us know how you go. Take the bull by the horn.

not everyone is in these 'cliques'. some observation would probably find some others who are on the outside, as it were. start with them. also, you could try to arrange play dates. find out which kids yours gets on best with and either get the staff to pass a little invitation, or ask the mother over on the grounds that they are frineds and it might be nice to play together. many mums find that harder to say no to, then you will have the chance to get to know people. and just take it from there. a smile here, a hello there will build up. Be the one to welcome any new mums, if there is any pta type committee - join it, get in on fundraiser days, etc etc.

good luck. i know how awful it is to be lonely and i wish you all the best. xx

choc, i had to try and make friends when i moved to a newish town last year

dd1 started going to a playgroup, but i quickly realised that all the other mothers and children had known each other from a previous mothers and toddlers group

i used to be all ears listening for the other childrens names, then i would say hello to the children and encourage dd (3) to say hello and goodbye to her wee pals

she spoke a lot about 2 particular girls she really liked playing with

i used to smile wildly at their mothers, saying hello and goodbye to the girls, chatting to the mothers about anything and everything and now i meet the other mothers at least once a week and the girls get to play together and we have a gossip

good luck!

I'm adopting and joined MN as I wanted to try to meet up with local parents as i was very concerned about parachuting straight into motherhood with an older baby/toddler and not having any of the history of things other mums do.

I'm off to my first MN meet up next week - is Ealing too far for you?

can i say that i also found ds1's pre-school unbearably cliquey and never found a way to break thro this.
I struggled but gave up..and ended up just smiling and saying occasional hi to a few but that was it. Meanwhile I gradually starting meeting new people anyway-thro' classes at gym/ante-natal stuff, friends of friends etc- the difference was they seemed up for making new freinds where as the school-gate mums weren't.

You could always re-focus yr efforts elsewhere and give the nursery up as a lost cause- join playgroup committee/take an evening class/join local NCT or netmums etc etc

Having moved 90 miles away from family and friends made since dd born, and now exhausted with new pregnancy, not working because the plan was to get pregnant and set up the new house, and not so well served here with classes like baby college... missing the playground over rhe road because its closed for rennovation (v. irritating)... OK - looks like I'm focussing on the negative here - but I empathise with the loneliness. Totally lost sanity yesterday and cried all evening. Dh, left comedy willy on etch-a-scetch and message of love this am, so he must have been concerned. I bore in mind some advice to just get out & go for a walk. Did this this morning to get a paper and met a neighbour! Just sorry for my dd who spends too much time watching cbiebies while mummy cries in the chair behind her. Quite cathartic writing this all down really.

Sounds like you're having a really tough time. I'm sure it will get better. Since I posted my message things have really looked up. I went to a new class and met up with a friend of a friend who turned out to be really nice. At another class I go to I've arranged to go for a coffee with another Mum next week.

Things can turn around REALLY quickly - so just get out there to whatever you can and smile at everybody you come into contact with. It really does work.