Scared dd will turn out like me

[GracieLoo]

If dd, 4, spends the majority of her time with me, then obviously she is going to pick up some of my traits and behaviours.

This terrifies me, and makes me want to end it now before I leave too much of an impression on her.
I am struggling a lot, and have been for a long time, from before she was born. I have borderline personality disorder, and SH, have had a few suicide attempts and feel really low and anxious.

I like things to be perfect, and if things go wrong, I don't cope too well. I'm overly sensitive, defensive, paranoid, worry about what people think. I can see dd showing some of these traits already.

I feel detached, irritable, on edge, and sometimes smother her too much with love and attention, then hide away in my room for a while and avoid contact.

I'm finding every day so, so hard. I do try hard, we go out a lot, but I don't think I'm good enough. I have strong urges to end it before she gets older, and is more aware, and before she ends up like me by spending too much time with her 'ill' mum.

I have bipolar and get what you mean to a certain extent. I have concerns everytime someone says my eldest child is just like me. He also suffers anxiety which makes me worry. Can you speak to your cpn? Also I know sometimes suicide seems like the answer but it really isn't. I know are situations are not exactly the same but I didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Thank u for replying. I can't talk to my cpn about anything, but nothing matters anymore.