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Here goes... a sorry tale of pride and depression

4 replies

IAmALovelyDaffodil · 25/07/2013 04:07

Given that I'm awake for the 7th night in a row at 3am because anxiety attacks are stopping me from sleeping, now seems as good a time as any to jot down some of the things I'm overwhelmed with at the moment. I've just been talking to the Samaritans who suggested I write all of this down in order to review it, so I hope it's okay that I post it in here.

I became overwhelmed in my job earlier this year. I have struggled with depression since my teens and feelings of isolation. My job at the time involved dealing with the public and although I was praised by bosses and colleagues as being good at it, I didn't feel successful, as the only way I got everything done that was necessary was by working late nights and weekends (without the bosses knowing).

The long hours and underlying insecurity in myself were making my depression worse and in a moment of haste, I resigned, without a job to go to.

For the first three months after I left my job, basically, I think I had a nervous breakdown. I just stayed at home all day every day, doing nothing. No cleaning, the absolute bare minimum of chores. Eg I would do laundry, but leave it on the clothes horse and just pick clothes off it as needed. Washing up left piled up, plates picked out and washed under the tap as required.

Even full bags of rubbish were left as long as possible before being put out.

During this time, I also put on about a stone in weight from overeating (emotional eating being something I also struggle with).

This lovely state of affairs continued and developed, to the point that I stopped contacting the few friends I have, because they would ask to meet up and I was ashamed to be seen in the state I was in.

Suffice to say, I did nothing in this time to find a new job.

Anyway, something cracked a couple of months ago, I got really angry at myself for giving up and allowing the depression to take control. I started making a to-do list of everything I wanted to achieve, similar to the Spoons thing I've seen on threads on here. I also joined a couple of threads on here ref. weight loss and managed to start losing some of the weight I'd gained. I reviewed my CV and contacted some job agencies.

For the last couple of months, I've been trying really hard to find a job. I've contacted 34 job agencies and once a week, telephone them all to remind them I'm still looking for work. I've revised my CV twice. To date, I've only been put forward for 3 jobs by agencies and I've not yet had a single interview. I've tried going for admin roles, but agencies are telling me I'm overqualified and employers will see that I'm just looking for a stopgap job, so I'm not being put forward.

I have a month's worth of savings left. I have no partner and no family to support me when the savings run out. I am terrified that I'm going to be unable to pay my mortgage and other debts and am going to end up homeless. The shame of my situation is starting to push me back into my routine from earlier this year, because I'm unable to sleep due to panic attacks, so I'm not waking until 11 and am still exhausted when I wake, so don't get anything done.

And every night for the past week, at 3am when I can't sleep and have suicidal thoughts bouncing round my head, I decide that tomorrow's going to be the day that I start getting back into my to-do routine. I'm determined that tomorrow is going to be that day, even if I feel like crap from a lack of sleep.

If nothing else, I need to address the money situation, because that's the latest catalyst for the anxiety attacks, so I think I need to get the ball rolling on JSA and housing benefit allowances.

I'd be pleased to hear from anyone who's in the same boat ref. the vicious cycle, but please don't worry about reading and running or not making it to the end of this post. it just feels good to dispel some of these thoughts to paper, so to speak.

OP posts:
pootlebug · 25/07/2013 05:05

I don't have much constructive advice but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Sleep deprivation and depression are an awful combination not least because it's hard to tell where one starts and the other leaves off iykwim.

I think you are right, that sorting out what benefits you might be enbtitled to will help on the money worries and also make you feel like you are taking proactive steps forward.

Can you also contact your friends? Try to explain a bit about what has happened. I am sure they would want to help and some real life support could be invaluable.

Good on you for getting stuff out on here and hopefully someone will come along with something more helpful shortly.

IAmALovelyDaffodil · 25/07/2013 05:23

Thank you, Pootlebug. I'm starting to feel nauseous from lack of sleep which means I'll be falling unconscious shortly. The positive of insomnia is that I've finished my washing up, done some yoga, cleaned the bathroom, waxed my 'tache and tidied the living room.

I mentioned pride in my title then didn't elaborate, but I feel that pride (and tied in with this, fear of failure & rejection) is my underlying problem sometimes. It's what stopped me from talking to the bosses in my old job about my struggle to stay on top of things. It's what stops me from talking to friends about depression. It's what's prevented me from seeking JSA until I'm absolutely desperate and ultimately, it's my downfall because pride and fear of rejection are what stops me from going to my GP and asking for help with managing the depression and associated issues.

I'm leaving a blank jotter pad in the kitchen, ready for me to write down more of this stuff tomorrow when I wake up, I really need to process it in order to work out what the hell to do before I break down again. For now, time to get some sleep, hopefully. Thanks again for reading.

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Thumbwitch · 25/07/2013 05:31

I hope you're asleep now, but if you're not, then well done for writing down your problems.

Have you asked for any counselling? It might be of benefit to you, give you some more tools (rather than onset of anger and panic) to help you rebuild your working life. But you will need to see the GP to go on the waiting list for that.

In the meantime, perhaps try applying for jobs outside of the agencies, if you haven't already done so - even if you are over-qualified for them, having some money coming is going to help to reduce your anxiety, which will allow you to sleep, which will help you with your other problems too. If you can't get a "normal" job, start being creative with your CV, perhaps - not lying, just maybe tailoring it more to the job you're applying for (of course agencies will not do this!). Or even cold-calling with your CV - if you can get your energy levels up sufficiently.

I hope something comes up for you very soon.

IAmALovelyDaffodil · 25/07/2013 10:51

Thanks, Thumbwitch. I've tried to get counselling before; my GP only offered me group counselling, the thought of which appalled me, so I didn't follow up on it.

I received some CBT after a family member died suddenly and this really helped me with the panic attacks I was getting at the time. But frustratingly, I only got 12 sessions and just as the therapist was getting to the deeper stuff with me, the sessions came to an end.

I'm going to try to finish my list of thoughts this morning. I got to sleep at about 6am in the end and have just woken up, so I want to do this now before getting some fresh air and exercise and trying to do something to jobhunt this afternoon.

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