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Mental health

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Flip

Original poster

oh no here we go again :(

20 replies

painforlife · 24/07/2013 11:46

hi all,

not been on here for a while as been in & out if hospital - keep having relapses. I've been at home for about 3 weeks now and have been generally doing well with medication. last night I had a tough night with hayfever so was up most if night. this did not help with the voices/hallucinations/flashbacks of childhood abuse! now I feel really down and well tired and out of it.

DD is home as nursery are now closed for summer break & she is starting to get to me. we have been having such fun playing the past week which I missed so much when I was in hospital. I dont want to upset her by having an outburst but I can feel myself getting more & more wound up. I know my pains are also playing a big part in me being like this aswell.

I'm not sure what Im doing on here really just want to be distracted myself from my stupid thoughts for a bit! pls come talk to me & keep me distracted.

OP posts:

Mirages · 24/07/2013 12:30

Similar problems here... Kids at home and DH went for a business trip. After two days I was hallucination a lot during the day. Luckily I go better when DH came back.

Original poster

painforlife · 24/07/2013 13:25

that's good to hear mirage. I'm hoping I will get a grip on my hallucinations!

OP posts:

Caster8 · 24/07/2013 19:34

Are you any better this evening?

Original poster

painforlife · 24/07/2013 22:07

I'm doing okaish this evening thanks for asking caster8. little one has been hard work but my brother is around this evening so I'm getting a bit of time to myself. she will hopefully be asleep soon! then I'll be able to take my sleeping tablet aswell & knock out too (if my mind let's me).

OP posts:

Caster8 · 24/07/2013 22:09

ok.Good.

Original poster

painforlife · 25/07/2013 12:36

so had a great night sleep thanks to my dad looking after DD last night but I've woken up to voices & hallucinations :( I really dont want to ring up CMHT team as I know they might well tell me to come back in. what the hell is wrong with me y can't I be normal?

OP posts:

Caster8 · 25/07/2013 13:14

I personally dont have experience of voices and hallucinations, so am unable to help you with that bit.
You could talk a bit here about what has happened in your past if that might help? And am happy to help with distracting you. But you may need to contact the CMHT team, at least in the first instance.

fluffydressinggown · 25/07/2013 15:01

Sorry you are still struggling.

Do you have a crisis plan? What does it say? I would contact your care co-ordinator to get more support. It does not have to mean an admission, surely it is better to get help early on before things get too much to handle.

Do you do reality checking? The fact that you recognise you are hearing and seeing things is positive because you have insight.

What medication do you take? Does it need tweaking? What is your diagnosis?

Original poster

painforlife · 26/07/2013 10:29

arghhhh today will be an angry day I'm not in control at all. my head is hurting soooo badly.

caster - thanks for offering to distract.

fluffy - hw r u doin? it's been a while.
crisis plan - no real one in place just for me to call the CMHT when things get tough.
meds wise - I'm on quetiapine & duloxitine (max doses of both)

OP posts:

Original poster

painforlife · 26/07/2013 10:40

I've been.diagnosed with PTSD, GAD & Depression with psychosis.

I think I will call the CMHT today if Im not better after my morning meds!

OP posts:

fluffydressinggown · 26/07/2013 21:48

Did you contact the CMHT? Do you have a CPN?

You really need to get a crisis plan sorted, it should help to prevent admissions and help you to avoid getting into a crisis. They are called risk and relapse plans I think?

Do you think the medication is working? Have you tried any other anti psychotics? I have been on quetiapine and I am now on risperdone which suits me better.

Are you getting any talking therapy? That could be helpful, I find talking to someone every week helps me to keep focused.

Original poster

painforlife · 28/07/2013 11:04

hey fluffy - what's a CPN? don't think I've ever had one.

I've just been so dizzy past few days that I've hardly made it out of my bed. still haven't plucked the courage to ring CMHT team. I questioned the meds in my last admission & the consultant said it's the best meds combination for my symptoms so they will keep me on it. I'm just not functional on them I am dizzy all day long & all I do is lie in bed. this of course is not good for my nerve pain or fibro as I should be moving around as much as I can.

I've been referred for therapy but it's been 3 months and still no appointment :(

OP posts:

HoopHopes · 28/07/2013 12:40

If you have access to a CmHT then whoever you talk to will be a Cpn, it is short for mental health nurse. They help with people with severe mental health issues who are out of hospital. A CMHT team is made up of different mental health workers, most are nurses. They offer support, manage risk, may see you at home etc.

HoopHopes · 28/07/2013 12:40

Oh referral for therapy can take ages as so many people seek therapy!

Original poster

painforlife · 04/08/2013 12:49

hoophopes - when I first fell ill I had someone from cmht team come & see me everyday for about 8 weeks I think. they used to come & check up on me & give me meds (increase them or decrease them). I dont think I can access that service again as I'm now on referral for therapy. it's been over 6 months now & still no appt :( I need llong term therapy so maybe that is why it's taking so long.

I'm afraid to tell my family as it will mean them constantly being around me. it gets so suffocating but I know it's better then me self harming.

I just wish my head would stop!

today for ssome rreason I keep thinking I have cancer. I know I don't but for ssome reason it's in my head :(

OP posts:

NanaNina · 04/08/2013 14:03

So sorry to hear of your suffering Painforlife - a CPN is a community psychiatric nurse. You certainly should have one or a social worker from the CMHT as you have a complex mental illness and have been an inpatient. A referral for therapy doesn't mean that you can't have a CPN or sw from the CMHT and I think you should contact them asap.

I don't know what therapy you have been referred for but there is a therapy EMDR (you'll have to google it as I always forget what it means) but it is very good for PTSD and you don't have to go through all the painful stuff. Can you afford to pay for therapy. If not I would certainly contact the surgery and tell them you are really feeling poorly and ask about the referral.

Original poster

painforlife · 05/08/2013 20:11

thanks NN - I'm not sure what kind of therapy I've been referred for. all I know is that it's long term. I will speak to cmht team about it.

I've had a very scary dream today. I dreamt I was possessed by an evil jinn (evil spirit) & my dad was trying to get it out of me via exorcism. this spirit was going mad well I was going mad - meaning the spirit inside me was going mad & was up against the ceiling was the room. then a family member also came in the room & my dad said to them go get all the other's who were in the same room as her (meaning me) as they all need exorcism! at this point my mum woke me up.

the nightmare has left me a bit shaken & well scarred :(

OP posts:

fluffydressinggown · 05/08/2013 21:13

You really need to contact the CMHT and ask for information about what is going on with your care.

You need a care co-ordinator (could be a nurse or someone who works in social care) who can help you manage your medications and support you while you wait for talking therapy. Have you ever been sectioned in hospital? If so you are legally entitled to aftercare which should be organised. Even if you have always been informal I am surprised you don't have a specific point of contact, someone who can help you through these difficult times.

CPNs can visit you at home, but so does the crisis team. I suspect you have worked with the crisis team before, they are good but they only do short term interventions.

I would suggest that if you are going backwards and forwards to hospital it is not really working and you need something else. The talking therapy is a way forward but you need something inbetween to support you to stay at home. Unfortunately with mental health you sometimes need to kick up a bit of a fuss for support.

Ring them and tell them you think you are relapsing and you feel unsafe and unsupported and that you need a care co-ordinator to work with you.

Original poster

painforlife · 07/08/2013 18:54

still not rang the cmht team -I don't know y I'm afraid. the voice inside me is saying don't do it or you will .bw back in hospital again & have to stay probably longer this time. I skipped my morning meds today just did not wanna take em. I have taken my evening meds. I know it's not a guy idea to skip em. Im just getting fatter & fatter & just becoming disgusting & disgusting lukin. I hate myself :(

OP posts:

fluffydressinggown · 07/08/2013 21:16

Like I said, I don't think hospital is working to help keep you stable, you need to contact the CMHT to speak to someone about day to day support to keep you at home.

I am sure you know this but asking for help early means that hospitalisation is not an inevitability. I know it is not that easy but you must make yourself ring them.

Flip