Scared of having another DC because of phobias

[outoffuel]

I have a beautiful 3.5 yo DS. He is wonderful in every way and some days I have an absolute burning desire to have another child. However, something completely outside of my control is holding me back.

I am terrified that if I had another child they may have a disability.

I know having a child with disability isn't the end of the world, and many many parents cope admirably and of course have an unconditional love for their child. But, I am terrified of it happening to me, as just don't think that I would mentally be strong enough to cope.

I know many disabilities are checked at birth, but I have become paranoid about disabilities that you can't check for (i.e. autism). I am 32 as is my DH.

I really don't know how to move forward, and I feel such angst constant struggling with the decision. I worry that if I fall pregnant that I will spend my whole pregnancy in turmoil, and then the next 2 years of the child's life checking for milestones and markers.

However, I look at my son playing in the garden by himself and am concerned that I am depriving him of a sibling because of my issues.

Any advice really?

You just have to take the risk. Even you or you neighbour might end up with disability tomorrow.

Unfortunately in my head its not as simple as that... It has almost become a preoccupation and a bit all consuming

97/100 babies worldwide are born healthy.

This statistic does take into account children of smokers, alcoholics,drug users, risky activity in pregnancy and children from distressing labours or in unsanitary conditions.

Have you considered getting gene tested for peace of mind?

That's a really interesting statistic VAVAV00M... I didn't know that. Not meaning to drip feed but I had a very traumatic birth with my DS. I was advised that due to his birth I was lucky that he wasn't dead or have brain damage. I think that I've been left with perhaps a touch of PTSD (hence posting this in mental health). I've always said that DS would be an only child because of it, but thinking perhaps I could do with some counselling before I set myself to anything.

I am the parent of a severelyautistic little girl and while I can tell you lots of positive stories they probably won't help. Neither will me trying to convince you its unlikely.

The reason for the above is because you sound like youare suffering from anxiety. My recommendations is that you speak to your gp about these fears and how they are having a impact on your life.

I can however say if you have a disabled child it can be a amazing experience to see the world through their eyes. That you will cope and love your child perfectly fine hth.

Crawling, you're right- and actually I've known this for a long while. I did try and see the GP about a year ago, and he dismissed my anxiety as being down to a lack of sleep. However, I failed to give him examples of my issues (it's hard to talk about in a 7 minute session with a middle aged male GP...?!)

Thanks for sharing your experience. I probably sound very shallow, and in a way ungrateful, when in fact I have a really very lovely life. I just want to push these obsessive thoughts out of my mind, and concentrate on being a great mum. Like many others say, I'm the queen of being a great actress and people often say how confident and capable I seem. In side I feel very sad and confused at the moment.

You don't sound shallow at all. I suffer anxiety and understand its not logical. Speak to your gp again. I hope he listens this time.

Definitely see if you can get a referral to soeak to somene about phobic feelings.

For the record, having an autistic child has improved my life no end. I am stronger and happier than I ever was before. It has been the making of me.