feeling so down

[mouses]

im feeling so low and i dont know why, im sitting here with tears welling and i feel so stupid for not knowing why!

i know i say it alot but i just want it to end, i dont want to die and leave my kids but i feel ive had enough of this mind torment. its not to die - more to be relieved from it all?!

what makes me even more sad is that i need to rely on pills to make me feel normal! i say normal but im sitting here still feeling flipping mental!

boyfriend keeps trying to march me back to the gp, but she's done all she can, im waiting for access and assessment team now. awaiting mind one to one referal.... to be honest it feels quite daunting.

sorry to blub on here but i feel sorry for my only friend and boyfriend who get it all in their ear and i just shut off now.

Don't worry about being on pills - you wouldn't feel bad about taking inhalers if you had asthma, and the same principle applies here (and yes, I'm on pills too - my brain chemistry is just a tad dodgy!). Worth going back to your gp to see if you need to change meds or change dosage - also perhaps try talking to the Samaritans? They may be aware of charities that do counselling at shorter notice than the NHS, which may help you. Also try not to keep beating yourself up - it's easy to do when you feel rough, but you've got to try to be good to yourself as well. Exercise can help as well - I found running fabulous, because it released so many endorphins - no matter how bad I felt going out, I felt miles better coming back. Hope some of this helps