Long term negative attitude

[alwaysgrumpy]

I don't know where to start really but I am/always have been a glass half-empty person and I'd like to change. I was depressed as a teenager, left university because of it (think I probably had a nervous breakdown)and suffered PND after my first child was born. I tried ADs while at university but gave up after a few weeks because I decided I wasn't depressed after all (probably wrong about that!). I briefly saw a psychiatrist who thought that Cognitive Behavioural therapy might help but I never acted on his suggestion because I was too embarassed to talk to my parents about it. I have changed quite a lot since then - I'm less anxious and more confident but I still don't feel "normal". I feel like I make heavy weather of everything and get into a very negative rut very quickly if anything goes wrong. I would really like to not feel like this but I don't know what would help - perhaps CBT? If anyone out there understands what I'm rambling on about I'd love to hear your suggestions. I don't think I'd get treated on the NHS but I'm willing to go private to get myself sorted out. Sorry for the long message.

Hi AG

I do know exactly what you mean - I can identify the same traits in myself, perhaps not as severely as you, but I too have never known how to deal with them. Now that I have kids I would love to be more positive about things, as I see ds1 developing the same traits too, and tending to be over critical of other people and himself.

I don't know about CBT or how to go about finding the right counsellor privately - it seems to be a bit of a lottery, whether you locate the right one. However, it sounds like a good idea to give it a go, to see if it is what you are looking for. And it sounds as if you will regret it, if you don't as it is too easy to put it off for another year or so, as you have before. You usually have an initial session with counselling to see whether the counsellor thinks that they can work with you and vice versa. You don't have to stick with them if you don't feel that it is working for you. Why not see if your GP can recommend someone in the area?

Good luck

Hi alwaysgrumpy,

If you prefer to go private, you can trace CBT counsellors in your local area in the yellow pages (if none advertise as such, ring up a group practice of counsellors and they can advise). Your GP should be able to give you a phone number or address, which you can contact for a list of therapists, plus details of what their approach is. Another option is to have a starter session with a counsellor and raise the question of CBT then - s/he may be able to tell you who to contact if s/he thinks you would benefit from CBT, as it may not be the best approach for your particular set of problems. Well done for keeping going under this permanent pressure, and good luck.

Hi alwaysgrumpy

I have had some CBT with a psychologist who specialised in it. I was referred by my gp, who had a psychologist attached to the practice. I saw him for about 18 months, and then another one a few years after that for a year when I suffered from pnd after the birth of ds. I found the 1st one really really useful, but it took some time to get anywhere as my negative outlook on life was so ingrained and based on complicated family relationships. I still have the 'file' from when I saw him, and refer to it now and again. I'm struggling (I think) with antenatal depression now (14 wks with no.2) and would love to see somebody again. It was so practical, you were given homework and diaries to fill in so it felt like you were moving somewhere not just chatting (although that can also be useful). I believe that counsellors as well as psychologists will do CBT, my mum's a counsellor. I think it would be successful for you as you 'want to change' rather than being in crisis right now. It might take less time to achieve a new outlook. I have chronic depression (for 15 years) rather than just negative attitude, so I'm not 'fixed' yet! I see it more of a set of strategies for addressing faulty thinking (i.e. black and white, generalising,) which some of us jump into as soon as we get stressed or tired or are in crisis etc. I've noticed that other people don't do this, but I get into a rut, as you put it, very quickly. CBT has helped me get out of the rut more quickly, but only if I keep on working it at it. Writing this has made me think I should be trying harder to work on my faulty thinking! The 2nd psych I saw was good, but she didn't have much empathy and I found it hard to relate to her. Nonetheless, I picked up a lot. She suggested a lot of quite basic things that simply hadn't occurred to me because I don't think like a normal person! Like doing nice things for myself (instead of punishing by setting higher standards, doing more chores) will make me feel like I'm worth it. Anyway, go for it as I think the problems you describe will suit CBT.