Partner with bipolar

[hotfudge]

My partner had a relapse last year, having been well for over 7 years. He ended up in hospital for 6 weeks. It took a good while for him to fully recover, but he's been well again for the best part of a year. But he is relapsing again, there is not doubt about that. I feel so bad for him but can't help being sick to the stomach for more selfish reasons ... We have 3 young kids and I also work (although just part time). It was really tough to get through the last relapse logistically, and the thought of being back there is just awful. I guess i am just looking for reassurance that if we nip this in the bud early it may not last as long this time ...? Just venting, really.

Everyone's different but by nipping it in the bud as early as possible you're doing everything possible to ensure a speedy recovery. Relapses can take months to recover from, or weeks, it really does vary.

This time four weeks ago I was desperately unwell. I only avoided hospital thanks to the unwavering support of my DH. I was unable to do anything and could barely leave the house. I thought it would take months to recover yet today I returned to work.

Its hard, of course it is but with your support he's more likely to recover quicker than without it.

Thanks fedup, that's reassuring to hear. Well done on getting back to work, hope you continue to do so well.

We have a meeting with a consultant this afternoon which is good because his mood is escalting quite quickly. Fingers crossed we can nip it in the bud.

Partner admitted to hospital on Tuesday. I had hoped early intervention had nipped it in the bud but it seems not. Is it often the case that an individual's relapses run a similar course most times? Also, any advice on how we might be better at avoiding relapses in future? This one seemed to come out of the blue from my perspective, but maybe I just wasn't paying close enough attention. Its funny how quickly the memory of last year's relapse faded and we just went back to normal life. I think we may have to look seriously at our work and home life and how we structure things. Maybe I didn't give this shitty illness the respect it deserves, or the attention in commands (if you know what I mean).

Hello I think you are right to look at your work and home life. Im not well myself currently but just wanted to agree that it may be helpful.

Hello I recently had a relapse and it was a lot less severe because of early intervention. I think you are right to look at your home life as there are things that can trigger episodes. Such as lack of sleep stress or watching trigger programs ( mines the news) but there are also complimentary things which can help like fish oil and b 12 vitamines.

Sorry to hear your DP is back in hospital. My DH has biploar and sounds quite similar to yours in that he can go for years without relapsing.
We also have small children and what helped us after the last episode was having some family therapy sessions. This helped us think about our lives, communication and how we can manage DH's stress wwhich is big trigger for him.

Update and whinge .... My partner has now been in hospital for 5 weeks. At first he improved significantly but in the past week seems to have taken a step backwards. He has a fair amount of free time out of hospital, which he spends at home. I am finding this increasingly difficult because he shows no interest in our kids ( not even basics like saying hello to them) and is very selfish and demanding. He doesn't have access to his bank card (on account of lavish spending in previous episodes) and so constantly badgers me for money and tobacco. Whatever i give him is never enough. If I don't give him what he wants immediatley he turns on me and twists everything I say. I hate treating him like a child, he is my equal not my child, but it feels like my partner has gone and instead I have another child to deal with - and an unpleasant one at that. I am trying my best to keep things normal and happy for my 3 dc, juggle work and patch together childcare for the short term while also sorting out a new work/childcare structure for the longer term (to release my dp from any childcare requirements and allow him to go back to a fixed, stable working pattern once recovered). I feel bad for getting so annoyed at my dp's behaviour, I know he is not himself but it is SO difficult to constantly bite my tongue when he is behaving as he currently is. And most of all, I am panicking that he is somehow stuck where he currently is, and that he might never be back to his normal self.

Hi can you ask to be present at his next weekly ward round and tell his medical team what he is like at home regarding money, requests and so on? They may be able to help or change his time out of hospital to fit you better?

Yep, I go every week, and will be going tomorrow morning. Am dreading it, it is excruciating as he always talks about whatever arguments we've had, but just with his particular spin on it... Sometimes it feels more like unwarranted couples counselling than his weekly psych review!But I'm sure the staff are experienced enough to see beyond it.

Whinge away hotfudge. My dh was very similar to this and much as I Kept reminding myself to hate the illness not the person, it is incredibly frustrating.
You have a huge amount on your plate. What support are YOU getting? Have you got friends or family nearby?

Thanx calliope. I'm lucky to have good support in both my own family and dp's. And fabulous friends. So in that regard I have nothing to whinge about!

That's good. If you're in England you could always ask for a carers needs assessment. Through this I got some funding for individual counselling (which was good for venting!)

Just try and remember that he got better before and will again - it just may take some time. Are they reviewing his medication?

Outcome of his weekly review was no change in meds for now ... he's on 1000mg lithium and 15mg olanzapine at the moment. I guess we just have to be patient ... in the meantime, I'm going to ask if I can meet with his doctor because I have a few questions I'd like to discuss with her.