Please can anyone help?

[floppydisc]

I suffer from low self esteem and have a horrible tendency to act out and sabotage relationships. Yes it's pathetic. Yes you'd think I'd have this one sorted by now, but no, I havn't. I am at my wits end. I need help. There doesn't seem to be any out there. I went to see my GP; he gave me AD's. I don't want to take AD's, but accept that I am suffering from depression, most recent bout due to yet another failed relationship. The wait for CBT is two years. Two years. Meanwhile my life is miserable and so am I. Please can anyone recommend anything - anything - at all that may help - books, support groups, online groups, recovery groups - I am beginning to feel suicidal.

I'd recomend person centred counselling. try BACP and they will have a list of counsellors in your area. What sort of books are you wanting?
books for depression or relationships.

stop thinking start living (think its by coulson but not sure)
Depression by Dorothy Rowe.

It's not pathetic.

I'm a Borderline, and do the same. So I understand.

Are you taking the ADs? I'd also push to see someone on the community mental health team if you're getting nowhere with the GP.

Hi there, well done for posting. Do you know what a personality disorder is? Have a look on the web on a PROPER website such as NHS and look up Borderline PD. Your behaviours sound as if they may fall into this category.

It sounds like you are in a lot of turmoil as you want to change your behaviours but you dont know how or why you act out?

CBT would not be suitable for you hun, DBT is much more effective for your kind of problem. There are some good books on amazon about DBT which you may find good. There is a work book in DBT which you can fill in at your own pace, it will explore with you why you do the things you do.

No need to be hard on yourself, you are recognising you need to change your behaviours and that is a massive step. x x x