Fed up - I've had enough.

[CattyBrown]

I've had depression for 22 years. Manic Depression for 11years. I've tried numerous anti-depressants. The only ones that seemed to work for me put me in hospital after a while with a life-threatening reaction to them. I've recently been taken off Escitalopram as they were no longer work and put on 20mg Citalopram then after a while 30mg (which I've been on 4 week).

I used to be heavy drinker before starting on the Citalopram, but, since being on them and reading the leaflet, I've stopped and barely drink.

Today has been a really bad day. Shaking all day and crying and generally being miserable. I've had enough today. Just feel really shitty. DH is supportive, but, he doesn't really know what to say/do to make me feel better.

Over the years sleep was my saviour, I could sleep for hours, now, that doesn't come very often, and, when it does it's in fits and starts. So I'm often exhausted on top of working full-time, house work, children (both high-school ) etc.

Do you think your sleep cycle was 'arranged' around a certain amount of drinking? I agree that sleep is a great thing, and it may be that you need to find a different way of making yourself ready to get enough of it.

You sound like you have a huge amount of your plate for anybody to deal with, frankly. Out of the list in your last sentence, which would you say gives you the most pleasure?

I live for my children. Even though they can be hardwork I adore them and love doing things with them. Cinema, picnics, baking, listening to music, movie nights etc.

I have two teenagers and I know the feeling - just my DCs giving me a hug is brilliant. And watching Wimbledon!

So, which out of housework and working full-time is next on the list?

I prefer housework lol. Work is stressful as my manager is a nightmare.

I had to go into a Zen-like state with my boss today. It's like listening to an annoying broken record.

What's your manager like? I like someone who gives clear instructions, support, trust and has a sense of humour.

My manager has none of what you like in a boss. She is terrible. Loves talking to people like they are on her shoe. She also has a bad habit of telling you how to do something one day and then next day change her mind without telling us and give us a rollicking when we don't do it the new way. There is no consistency or trust with her.

Well, I think that's your main culprit right there, in terms of feeling a bit crap.

I think sometimes that knowing where the negative stuff is sitting is a help.

Then you can start, gently and gradually, to formulate a cunning plan.

And you could specifically ask for advice about handling the not-very-good manager on one of the other boards on here, when you feel ready.

Thank you. I will do. I just want to really let rip at her, but, constantly bite my tongue with her. I have found myself arguing back with her now.

I had last week off and I'm back tomorrow so feeling shitty now, wondering what sort of mood she is going to be in tomorrow. She can be ok one minute and then nasty and argumentative the next. Sometimes the only time she will actually speak to me is to tell me what to do.

You could try to manage one small change that would put you back in the driving seat a bit more, without a stressful confrontation.

Sometimes that can be as simple as saying, 'Thanks for that guidance. Could you please confirm it in an email?'

Or confirm it to her in an email. 'Thanks for your guidance on the task, just confirming you want me to do X, Y, and Z.'

I have done this for years.

Thank you. I think I will do that. Today has been not too bad, she seemed in a relatively good mood.

Hi again, Catty, glad today went ok.

If you start another thread on 'How to handle a difficult manager' let me know.

Thank you LineRunner, I will do.

Also, I should really put, she is a supervisor not a manager.