Mental breakdown? How are they diagnosed?

[movingonnowscared]

My ex had a breakdown due to money problems and the stress of being a new dad several years ago.

He was away camping with friends, he got very drunk and did lots of drugs and got no sleep for a few days.

He came back very cold towards me and sat around drinking, smoking and not doing anything to help me in the house. I asked what was going on and he told me it was over, he didn't love me, he didn't want to be a dad and then he walked out and disappeared for a week.

He came back very apologetic but very angry with his parents, saying he'd made a mistake and he did want me and our baby.

Several years later, he goes out and gets completely drunk, he goes absolutely mental at me - telling me I'm a crap mother and useless and all his problems are my fault (the anger is all directed at me whereas before it was at his parents).

We had some problems before, but he was acting loving towards me. Now overnight, he is acting very cold towards me, he gets very angry, very quickly with me and he is being irrational and impulsive. He doesn't want me as a girlfriend, he wants to be single like his friends. We are in the process of moving out. He has stopped doing anything to help in the house and is sat around drinking, smoking and on his games console.

I think he has had another breakdown but his family think he has just had enough of me, I don't make him happy so we need to split up.

If it is a breakdown - it's been nearly 2 months. Do they last that long as his first one was just over a week. I don't understand how he can love me one day and hate me the next.

Hello, I've seen this on Relationships as well. I think you may get a lot of people on there thinking he is a tosser. But it sounds from your post that the behaviour switch is more clear cut than that? ie he is usually not a tosser?

Of course I cannot diagnose, but could be hypomania, induced by stress and stoked by drink and drugs. I've had similar. Can you get him to see GP?

I seem to be the only one aware of the behaviour switch. They think I am bad for him but everyone else things I put up with a lot of shit from him.

He can be a tosser, gets very stressed, frustrated, angry at times but then cools down quickly. He is very sorry afterwards but doesn't take responsibility for starting arguments.

He is finishing a course and that is the only stressful thing at the moment - he may have messed up as he says he's quitting it and getting a job but then he's signed up and paid for the next course.

I had a miscarriage in January and we have not really starting having sex again. He seems unbothered by it.

He's applying for completely unrelated jobs as well - and may start working next week so will be unable to do the new course anyway.

I don't know about hypomania - i will look it up.

He doesn't think he's ill.

It does sound like hypomania. He has been stealing my co-codamols. Could they have triggered it?

Breakdowns don't really exist as such, people are diagnosed with a specific MH problem.

If you want him to get help you need him to go to his GP who can refer him into further MH services, if you are seriously concerned for his or your safety you can contact his GP or take him to A&E to be assessed.

It doesn't sound like this is a total change in his behaviour, more a worsening of it. Does he think things have changed?

He could have mental health problems and be a tosser. It's not an either/or.

He's been opening the windows all the time so I'm cold and have to put on more clothes. He says I'm ill and need to go to the doctor.

He says the house is stuffy and he can't sleep - but we were freezing and my child got a chest infection. He cannot see it's connected. He has been dressing our child in not enough clothing then getting annoyed if I want more layers on him. Then putting too many layers on my child.

He thinks he fine. Everyone else has a problem.

His Auntie disappeared for a couple of months once in a similar way, she is described as having bad nerves.

Look even if he is mentally ill you don't have to tolerate this. Not with a small, sick child. I would ring OOH GP or if you feel his behaviour is threatening or dangerous to himself or if he seems disconnected from reality, ring 999.

Hmm. Of course Chubfuddler is right and they are not mutually exclusive. For links on tosserness (emotional abuse) have a look at the top post on the EA support thread on Relationships.

If it is hypomania, he is likely to be unaware anything is wrong.

Who thinks you are bad for him?

His family think I am unreasonable; I find them overbearing and do not let them control things, I am the mum, they are the grandparents so we as parents decide what is best for our child. They are very critical of me. They try to manipulate my ex-partner into doing things their way.

He thinks I am trying to drive a wedge between him and his family.

They can be in the same room as us and hear him being rude to me but get annoyed with me if I call him up on it. I'm causing the problem by being oversensitive. I should ignore it. It's as if they think his behavior is excusable because he had a breakdown years ago.

His family expect me to let him get away with everything as they think he's fragile and don't want me to set him off but they don't let him treat them like shit if he's rude to them.

His family are irrelevant. This is about you, him and your child. The patterns he has seen in childhood are the models for his behaviour. Does stropping, vague threats of self harm, histrionics etc get people off the hook in his family? If so that's his recipe book for how to act when things are tough.

I now wish he'd never come back after his first breakdown.

I used to get on well with his family but they now tell me off about how I speak to their son. It does seem that they blame me for him being unhappy.

He lost his job before/after his breakdown and has never really fully recovered.

I wish I could say something constructive. Have you looked at the MIND website? I'd suggest women's aid too.

I'm moving out but it seems too quick for everything to be over.

It's the best solution as he won't really accept he's done anything wrong, all the blame is on me.

He won't accept he's irrational and none of his family seem to notice. I have tried talking to his mum but she cut the conversation short, had a bit of a go about my 'issues' and hasn't spoken to me since.

I just feel sad it's over. We were talking about marriage later this year. I am trying to make sense of it.

It doesn't all have to be over, not necessarily. But you will be safer and happier with some physical distance. If he does have mental health problems and is willing and able to work through them great. If not your priority is yourself and your child.