I am hoping that there is someone here who may be able to help point me in the right direction. I am under a lot of stress at the moment and predictably enough it has sent my mood swings into overdrive. Just as a bit of background .. have a history of depression/mood swings, was diagnosed as cyclothymic years ago .. am not on medication and have had years of being absolutely fine/stable - but once stress kicks in, major stress, I am vulnerable to mood swings. Over the last year I have been experiencing a lot of stress - marriage breakdown, also other big things that I won't go into here - and over the last few weeks my mood swings have become worse. I have the sense to know that I have to put the brakes on and address these, for my kids if nothing else (struggling to care too much about myself at the moment but have to keep it together for my kids). I have been to see my GP who has prescribed citilopram as a short term solution, and has also referred me to the hospital to see a psychiatrist as both my GP and I mentioned the possibility of lithium as an option. I don't particularly want to take medication but recognise that I am in a dangerous place at the moment as the lows are particularly bad - I am having suicidal thoughts that I won't act on because of my kids, but I am fantasising about things like if I walked out in front of a car and it hit me I wouldn't mind. I recognise that this is not a healthy place to be in. This is combined with real thoughts of panic that I am losing the plot as I am cycing rapidly every day between those kind of thoughts and 'hey ho, everything is fine now'. I can't cope with feeling so up and down, and cycling so rapidly, as I feel like I have lost myself in the middle of it all. This is all against a backdrop of marriage breakdown (very complicated situation) and trying to keep it together/keep a 'together' front on the go for the kids. I recently started seeing a counsellor who is brilliant but other than that I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about how I am really feeling. Sometimes I don't even know how I am feeling : ( Has anyone on here any experience of cyclothymia/ taking citilopram/ or know of any good online support groups. Or any threads on here as I really could do with people to talk to about this as I feel very alone with it. Any help/advice very gratefully received. I also know that I have a number of underlying issues that I need to deal with, but first have to try and get a grip on the cyclothymia ...