Suicidally unhappy

[RhadclyfBear]

34 weeks pregnant, and I don't want this baby and I most definitely don't want to be pregnant anymore.

Have spoken to DP about how I feel a number of times. He thinks it can be fixed by mums and babies coffee groups. FFS. I don't want a mother and baby coffee group, because I really don't want to be a mum. Has slowly dawned on me throughout my pregnancy what a crappy short changing situation being a mum is, and I just want my old life back.

Not working as I gave up my job when I moved counties, and found out I was pregnant shortly afterwards. Pregnant job hunting has not gone well. And I'm not well qualified enough to earn enough to make returning to work after baby financially viable. Don't love what I do enough to be paying to go to work.

I just feel trapped and like my life is over. Skint because I don't have a job, no prospect of returning to work and improving my finances, and stuck at home all day repeating the same mindless domestic chores. And with the impending arrival of a needy demanding baby on the way. Yay.

Going slowly crazy trapped at home all day, getting fatter and missing my old life, body etc. Just want this baby out of me so I can escape. Spend all my time fantasising about running out the door, heading for the hills as soon as the baby is born. Don't know how I'm going to make it through next six weeks. So close to clubbing myself to death with the nearest item to hand, just so I don't have to spend another six weeks here growing this child I do not want.

Hey
Didn't want to read and run.
Being pregnant is terrifying for us all at times (I'm 38 weeks) and I think as the end nears it's common to have doubts and fears. However it really does seem to me that you need some support. If you can't talk to your DH, or he doesn't understand, have you tried talking to anyone else? Your GP, midwife, calling the Samaritans? You shouldn't have to go through these emotions alone and there are people that can help you. Please turn to one of them x

Could you share what you've put here with your GP?

How awful to be feeling like this. Feeling "suicidally unhappy" is not a good position to be, pregnant or not.

I think you need to take this one step at a time.

I think you first need to see your GP and speak very openly about your feelings. I am no doctor but you do sound depressed and you could have ante-natal depression. Please do not delay in doing this.

You may, or may not feel different when your child is born. and when your child is born, that issue can be tackled then. But most importantly now you must realise that though life does change irreversibly when you have a baby, and it can seem utterly overwhelming, you will get a new "normal". you will get, and create a new life. having a baby is absolutely not the end.

You can resume your job hunting, you can get a new job, you can retrain, could can start your own business. Yes it is harder as you will have a child, but it is very, very possible and there are many on here who have "restructured" their life around their child.

But please seek medical help. Your DH's advice is neither helpful, nor constructive. (and btw mums and toddlers groups can be VERY hit and MISS - many people avoid). But you do need to speak to your GP.

you WILL feel good again, but you need to take action to help you get to that good place again.

take care OP

Prenatal depression is surprisingly common, you shouldn't have to be suffering like this, please talk again to your gp (preferably a different one) or your midwife, but please do get some help RhadclyfBear, hopefully it will make all the difference.

Not too keen on visiting my GP. Phoned me after my 28 week bloods (taken by mw) came in with irregularities consistent with being pregnant, and he hadn't even checked my records which would have flagged up my pregnancy.

Similarly haven't seen mw since 28 weeks, and hoping to not have to see her again. Hospitalised at 30 weeks with pre term contractions and given steroid injections, but all been okay since. Figure I'll just use the MLU triage again when the time comes. Can't stand mw's no-nonsense approach to pregnancy. My concerns about weight gain etc were just dismissed. As in, you're pregnant - suck it up.

Not too sure on the PND thing. Read a thread this morning where they were querying whether some diagnoses of PND weren't just rational responses to really shit situations etc sleep deprivation, lack of adult company etc. I feel depressed, but think that's more a response to the fact that my whole life has been binned and I'm just expected to 'suck it up'. Rationally, I don't want to become the little woman. But financially I'm not going to have much choices. Feels like all your choices are taken away from you when you have a kid. Which is why - if I knew what I do now, would never have chosen to have a baby.

It's impossibe to diagnose anyone over the internet, but I would argue the pre natal depression is just as debilitating at the post variety, and while some people may just feel shitty and struggle through both the end of pregnancy and the beginning of life with a newborn, there is a vast difference between that and having depression.

Is there not another GP you could see at your practice? And you really do need to attend your midwife appointments through the rest of your pregnancy it's really important for the well being of both you and the baby.

Having a baby is a major life change and can come as quite a shock, do you have other support? Family, friends, people who you can confide in how you are feeling. And it might be a good idea to have another talk with your DP, to try to get him to understand how you are feeling.

I didn't have pre natal depression, but had post with both my babies and it was horrible, at one point I did actually run away, (not far, and dp was at home), but I just ran out of the house, went into town sat in a cafe, pretended it wasn't happening. Had to go back when my boobs started leaking

To me your op reads as more than just naffed off and I encorage you to seek help, but failing that at least keep talking here, sometimes venting can be useful.

You do not have "rational responses"
You are not just a "little woman"
Your life is not over

You need to speak to someone - your thoughts are not normal. The fact that you think your life is over is not normal.

Nothing will get better unless you take action. The fact you think any action you take will be futile is yet another sign that things are very, very wrong.

Please seek professional help. Do not just curl up; find the fight inside you